Only 15 minutes left for this year to end and for a new year to start. I've had an amazing day, I guess it's pretty much the ending I wanted for this year. I had a family dinner at Nando's, my aunts and my cousins, we had a lovely dinner, and then a wonderful time at second cup.
This year has been amazingly one of the good years I've had after having a couple of bad ones. My self esteem is much better, and I'm emotionally feeling more alive. Study wise, I'm doing well so far, there are of course the bad days, but I've got a lot of good memories ever since I'm started my clinical rotations. I still smile everytime I remember some of the innocent kids I've met during my pediatrics rotation. I still remember that little boy who used to run around the ward singing my name, lol, or that other kid who would go around docs, and medical students, kicking them or throwing toys at them, lol, I can still remember how we had to run everytime we saw him, I hope his sick brother is doing better.
I've made a lot of precious friendships, you girls know who you are, and some of the guys too! You were there when I needed someone to talk to, I just think that we're all blessed to have found each other, I'm glad I found the both of you girls;)
Family, things have been good. We've always been very close to each other, but I realized that as I grow older, I get more attached to my aunts in some way. The bond just gets stronger being an adult now, we understand each other better and we share a lot of discussions and arguments! We've lost a dear relative though, I hope he's resting in peace.
Finally, my wonderful rpm and body pump classes. How did I survive all these years without em, lol! They played a big role in my well being this year, they are my 'natural highs'!!
As for love, naaah, not this year. I still can't think of it as part of my life so far. I'm pretty much happy without it, and at this stage, I don't think I need it, actually, at this point, I think I'm better off without love, it just brings you a lot of headache, and many sleepless nights, I'm passing on that!
To everyone I know, may you have a very blessed new year, and may all your dreams come true, and may love and happiness be by yourside forever.
Love always, Me!!
P.s, I have a presentation tomorrow, I hope I do well, it would sure make a good start to a new year!
Posted by Noors at 11:41 PM
Empty!
I've been doing a lot of thinking, but not a single thought is something I'd want to put down in words. Strange.
Posted by Noors at 11:51 AM
I just had this feeling today. Do I really belong where I am? Am I doing the right thing by doing medicine? Or should I say, do I have what it takes to be a doc? I felt this shiver today, and It's been in my head all day.
It's like looking at the empty part of a cup. I know I'm doing well, but it's just that I keep comparing myself to others, and there's this one dude in my group, who I really respect, which makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, because he'd be able to come up with the answer before us, not all the time of course, but it happens. Maybe I'm a bit jealous, but it's just the fear that maybe I can't do this that is driving me insane. Plus things haven't been going the way I want them lately, so add this all up, and baaam, I start my usual annoying habit of worrying.
Damn, I need a break so badly!
Posted by Noors at 7:31 PM
You wouldn't imagine the stories I hear either from my colleagues at the clinic or from the patients I see, the female ones I mean. A lot of them come with physical symptoms, but once you go through their history and make a complete physical examination, and if you want, order the tests you need, you find that everything is normal. So you try to dig more into their social history, you find that a lot of em suffer because of their husbands. It's either that he hits her, or divorced her and is still giving her a hard time, or doesn't spend on the house and the kids, and she ends up taking care of a family with 12 children or so, and with no one to support her, not financially nor emotionally.
It just upsets me to see all these women suffering with their men going around hurting them, day after day, and no one is there to get their rights for them. We need to have a better social services program to help those women. Or at least we need to have family physicians who would indulge more with their patients, and to somehow take a role in helping them somehow, either by support, or at least by finding someone for them who can help solve their problems and reclaim their rights.
I had a long discussion with one of the docs today. I told him about having a group where these ladies can come in and talk about their problems. I think it helps when a lot of people who suffer from something common, to get together and talk about it. There's no one better to understand than someone who's been in their shoes. It might not solve their problems, but seeing that there are others who also suffer, would give them some kind of security that their not the only ones, and maybe hearing a story of a lady who went ahead and did something about it, would somehow give them the courage to stand up and speak up their minds.
I wish I could make this happen.
P.s, I'm not trying to bash men here. I know that there are a lot of great men out there who have every respect for women, but neverthelss, there are many sadly who look at women as objects rather than equal human beings.
Posted by Noors at 5:41 PM
I got the chance to take a blood sample from a patient today, it was my first time, but I got it right from the first try, so the poor patient didn't have to suffer from me pricking up again and again. I enjoyed it to be honest, and I want to try it again.
Posted by Noors at 5:37 PM
I love the rain!
I love walking in the rain, I love driving in the rain, and I love staring out of the winodw when it's raining.
Rain always puts me in a good mood. Actually it makes me hyper. Like today, as soon as the doc went outside with the patient, we ran out of the door and went outside, lol, just to feel the cold weather and see the rain, and the sight of docs coming in for work all soaked wet was hilarious. We girls also teamed up against the guys and locked them outside in the rain for sometime, haha, you should've seen the sight of em banging on the door asking us to open it for them.
I find the rain to have this magical healing ability. It washes your soul somehow, and cleans it up from all the stress, hatred, and sadness. Or maybe it's just me. Everytime I see the rain, or just pause and listen to it or smell it, I just feel so calm from the inside, it's like all my worries are slowly released into the air, and peacefullness finally finds its way into my heart.
Posted by Noors at 5:08 PM
I think my mood has improved a bit compared to yesterday. I'm still not in the mood for talking though. I've got a lot of studying to finish today for yet another stupid final.
Last night, at the wedding, I saw a lot of the girls I know, who are in my age or a year older. They're all working, finished with studying, and most of em are either engaged or married. And I was thinking, God, and I'm stressing over a final!
The only thing that bugs me about studying medicine is that it's too long. 7 years, that's a lot. It's 7 years of hard work, sometimes you just get to the point where you say that's it, I can go no further, I'm stopping here, but somehow I keep going on. People at my age are already working, making their own money, spending their free time taking care of themselves, they are finally enjoying life. I wish I could have that. I think it would be awesome if I wake up on a weekend and not have to worry about a test, or a report or my classes the next day, but then again, I don't have anything else in my life besides my studies. My cousin actually asked me this question yesterday, she asked me how on earth I was managing knowing the fact that my choosing medicine, I will be spending the rest of my life studying. Then it just hit me. I think I'm okay with it, because I have nothing going on in my life, I don't have a husband or a child to worry about. My sisters and brother are getting older, and one by one are becoming more independant and living their own life. My plan for my life is to finish, work here for a year or two, then leave the country for 5 years to specialize, and if I seem to adapt to that kind of life style, then maybe I can stay out a bit more. That's basically my life, sometimes I hate it, sometimes, I'm just glad I have my studies as an excuse to stay away, probably from reality.
Posted by Noors at 9:29 PM
Everytime girls are invited to a wedding, it's like being in a constant state of alarm. You rush to get yourself an appointment with the hairdresser, you spend the whole week thinking of what you're going to wear, and the colours of make up that you are going to use, and whether to blow dry your hair or just pull it up, etc...
The only think you talk about for the rest of the week is about the wedding, the bride, who's invited, where's it going to be, what time to meet up with your friends, and the never ending discussions about what the others are planning to wear, you want to make sure that you're gonna dazzle everyone with your beauty, charm, clothes, make up, and of course jewellery!
Being a girl, I must say that sometimes I do enjoy getting ready for a wedding, because I think of it as a change. You know, you get to take care of yourself, put on a nice dress and sit in front of the mirror, listening to music, and carefully applying your make up. BUT, I gotta be in the 'mooooood', lol I want to be so stressed and so sick of the way I look that I would take is a chance to forget my worries and just concentrate on me for a change.
Now today I'm invited to a wedding. I've known the bride for such a long time, I remember us as kids playing together, and even though I've got a final on Saturday, I am determined to be there for her and at least get our of my house and do something. But I'm so not in the mood for doing my hair, or spending time putting on make up. My sister took an appointment for me to do my hair, and I've been arguing with my mom for the past hour because I just told her I wasn't gonna go and I was just gonna do something with my hair myself, but then everyone just shouts at me telling me that I should just look at how other girls take care of themselves while I don't. Hey I do, I make sure I look good everyday before I go to the hospital, and I work out, isn't that all part of trying to look good? So what if I don't want to look wow at the wedding, I just don't care really.
Xmas is on Saturday, and I still haven't finished giving out all cards yet, pfff, lazy, lol, I know. I better do that today.
Posted by Noors at 1:17 AM
It's been a long time since I felt this lonely. I hate this feeling, it just keeps me isolated from everyone, even when I'm sitting with the loudest people ever. I need to stay out of people's buss,, and stop thinking that I could help anyone.
Last night I was so emotional, and to me that's a weakness. I've promised myself never to let my feelings control me, but it seems like I've still haven't got much control over them.
I need to stay away from everything for some time. Regenerate my energy because honestly, I'm just tired of everything.
Posted by Noors at 8:32 PM
Read the following words. These are the lyrics from a song by Marc Anthony called 'I've got you'. Really powerful and truly amazing words.
"I can spend my money on fancy clothes meet a thousand women doing videos & shows But baby I'm so glad that I've Got YouBaby when I think about you I don't need to think cause I just know That baby it's the way you love me That's make me so damn sure that you're the one Don't you know that I've waited for you Your everything I've wanted all my life Never thought I would find what I need Till you came along my dream seemed far away I can be with another girl and I can take a trip all around the world But why would I go anywhere when I've Got You I can spend my money on fancy clothes meet a thousand women doing videos & shows But baby I'm so glad that I've Got YouMaybe I just got lucky Cause a chance like this don't come around everyday Can we hold on to what we've got if I ever lost you girl my all life would change You should know that your love gives me strength And without you I don't know where I would be It's because of you soul I'm at ease No matter where I am I'm not alone I can be with another girl and I can take a trip all around the world But why would I go anywhere when I've Got You I can spend my money on fancy clothes meet a thousand women doing videos & shows But baby I'm so glad that I've Got You All that I have is nothing when it compares to you And I can't believe how your love makes me feel I'm glad that I've Got You and girl you've got me tooI can be with another girl and I can take a trip all around the world But why would I go anywhere when I've Got You I can spend my money on fancy clothes meet a thousand women doing videos & shows But baby I'm so glad that I've Got YouI can be with another girl and I can take a trip all around the world But why would I go anywhere when I've Got You I can spend my money on fancy clothes meet a thousand women doing videos & shows But baby I'm so glad that I've Got You".
Sometimes I wonder whether I believe in love anymore. I read all these words, and I watch all these romantic movies, and I just tell myself, why not? It is possible. There is true love out there, could be rare nowadays, but it still exists. But now I'm not sure what I should believe and shouldn't believe. Everyday something proves to me that true love can't exist in this world. All this talk about I'll love you forever, and I'll be there for you forever, is just talk, no real actions. Pff, who am I kidding, yeah I'm starting to believe this, but deep down, I still got hope in this world, I still try to keep this small flame burning inside reminding me that we can't go through this life without hope, no matter how unreal they might seem, it's the only that gives true value to our lives.
Posted by Noors at 9:55 PM
I think I'm becoming soft!:S
2 days ago I wasx watching this movie and someone dies, next thing I know, my eyes are tearing!! Then yesterday I was watching an arabic series that I like and watched before, and when a certain scene comes in, a very emotional one btw, I start crying:S
Okay, lol, I know what you're thinking, so what's wrong with that? Well, I never used to be like this, I never ever cried while watching tv, and I always thought I had a very hard heart, if you know what I mean. I've worked with dead bodies for God's sake, I should be as cold as ice!
Here's an explanation, maybe it's the lack of the diversity in feelings in my life at the moment. I don't have much going on, and my biggest happiness is when I work out, how pathetic is that you might say! You can't imagine the number of times I've heard people telling me of how empty my life is, and I've probably said it somewhere here. Hmm, could be, why not? I guess I just prefer it this way, stay away from the world, live your own life, and enjoy the little things, it saves you from getting your heart broken. Yeah, you can easily break mine, it's already fragile and a simple blow can probably shatter it to pieces that you can never mend. Okay now this is getting more poetic.
Gotta go, body attack is soon! (See, exercise again!).....
Posted by Noors at 2:19 PM
Am I too nice? One of my friends today was talking to me, wondering why I didn't stand up and stopped one of the girls from throwing all her rude remarks about me. I told him it wasn't the first time, and I've been dealing with this kind of sarcasm ever since I joined this uni. He was shocked! He said I shouldn't let people say anything they want to me and leave it at that. He was there when that girl was making one of her 'usual' comments, and he didnt' like it, lol, so he was the one defending me while I kept quiet. I mean what was I supposed to say to her? I'm tired of having to do that each and every time and to be honest, it really aint' worth it, because I don't give a damn about what she thinks. Just because we come from two different cultures doesn't mean that she has the right to critisize my each and every move, while she goes around doing whatever she wants!
Anyway it's not only that. I know I have this problem of saying no to people, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It happens a lot to me, and I always end up eating myself from the inside lol.
You know what? I should've said something. Next time that ego head says something to me, I won't let it go by easily. I'll stop her right there and make her understand that her opinion is of absolutely no value to me and that she had no right commenting on my life no matter what. Lets just hope I get the courage to do that!
Posted by Noors at 6:23 PM
I'm supposed to be going on an elective next year. So today we had a meeting with the supervisor and he was telling of of what we need to finish and what we gotta do and to choose where we want to go. Now my friend wants to go to Canada, some of the guys we know want to go there too, but I'm still kinda hesitating between Candada and UK. I think it might be fun to go somewhere new, and be there in a group, I've never been to Canada before, and my family is thinking of going there next year for a holiday, so me being there would be perfect. BUT, and here's where my problem is, I get 'air sick'! Yup people, I do! I hate flying, it makes me feel sick and tired. During our holiday this year, I had to take strong antiemetics, which is the medical word for drugs that stop you from feeling like throwing up, and the ones I took made me sleep too. Still, the drug was soo strong that I would feel kinda out of this world and I couldn't stay up at all, God I felt like dying till we got to Singapore, so can you imagine Canada?:S
UK, my sister will be there for sometime with me, till her school is over, and I thought it would be cool to be there with her and her friends. I like being with people I know. Plus I know a lot of people there so I can catch up with some of my old memories.
I need to make up my mind very soon, well not very soon, but I wanna know where I'm going. One thing I know is that I will not go anywhere where any girl from my class will be, except for my friend of course. Those girls are just way too restricted, and I wanna take my freedom. I know how to take care of myself, and I know my limits, but these girls are just way too much to handle here in Oman, so I can imagine how they would turn my life into a living hell if I decide to go with them, because they will obviously suggest to stay together in one appartment.
Posted by Noors at 2:46 PM
It's been kind of an unusual day. First, I go to uni, very excited because we were supposed to spend the day in physiotherapy, only to get there and see this lady who just gave me this look, then said: '5th year? We can't see you people today, you were supposed to show up on Saturday'. So I go like what the heck? Apparently, they're supposed to be changing the schedule for the next group, but there was some kind of mix up and the physiotherapy thought that the change was for us. Anyway, so I ended up having a day off. It was 8:30 and I had nothing to do till my exam at 1. So I call Niggy and she says to come over to the gym. lol poor girl helped me revise, but we had a great time, we just sat there and kept talkin and talkin and talkin! lol Typical girls I know.
Great news ya'll, OMAN WON!! LOL! I'm not a football fan or anything, and I never really care about these things, but I got to watch the end of the game today while I was at my grandparents house. All of my cousins were sitting around the tv, lol, it was fun watching them scream every now and then, and you should've seen what they did when the game was over! The streets were packed with cars, everyone was out celebrating, this is something that rarely happens to us, and it is a great achievment to get to the second round of the Gulf Cup. You never know, maybe we do end up winning this year. Man that would be awesome!
Posted by Noors at 9:03 AM
Can you imagine how I had to spend my morning? This week is what you can call a skills week. Everyday we go to a certain department, and observe how they're working. So today we had to go to the uni's computer system department. All we got was a tour. God I wish I had just stayed home and got some extra sleep. So what do I do then? lol take my friend and go to city centre since we were free for the next 3 hours! I kept trying on outfits just for the fun of it, lol.
Then comes our afternoon session, which is all about student presenations. So I sit at the back, because the topic was silly, and I was going through the personal training book my teacher gave me, because I want to become one too. And the guys, being guys that is, didn't leave me alone. God I never laughed so much during a session. They kept making jokes through-out the whole thing.
Which reminds me of something. I find it extremly rude and low when a girl can't walk in the parking lot without having a guy stare at her from his car. Damn even those with the long beards, oh and those are the ones I hate most btw, lol, do that! It just bugs me. It happens ALL the time, and I just can't understand why men have to act like complete fools and won't let girls walk peacefuly around the place. It's just sick!
I'm hyper, lol, or so Niggy says. God I wish I didn't have an exam tomorrow, so I could've spent the whole day reading this personal training book. I can imagine myself now giving a group class, that would be soooooooo cool! lol
Posted by Noors at 5:26 PM
First, my exam went well, which is a big relief since I thought it would be much tougher. I didn't sleep till 3 in the morning and I can barely keep my eyes open now.
Tried body pump in another gym and I got one way of describing it, it sucked! Pffff. lol the funny thing is that my dad made a joke about me today, which made me crack up laughing. All I've been talking to him about is M this and M that, and how much I miss the classes, and that I couldn't wait for her to start again so I can go back to my normal life, lol. So today, he asks me, where are you going? And I say, I'm going to this other gym to try it, so he says to my mom, that's it, I'm gonna go out and find her a temporary husband, lol, her life is so empty!
It's kinda know when I come to think of it.
Don't you just enjoy closing your eyes and drifting away into your own world? I love doing that. Especially at night, right before I sleep. I just close my eyes and let my imagination carry me to anywhere I want to. Sometimes I just re-live an old memory, like a moment in my life that no matter how silly it might have been, made me really smile from the inside. I guess it just somehow helps me digest everything that has happened throughout the day, whether good or bad.
I'm not making any sense here!
Posted by Noors at 9:12 PM
My very own blog. I can't believe I finally have one!
I've got a lot to talk about, and this is the perfect place to come and get everything out of my system.
Later!
Posted by Noors at 2:04 PM
I'm supposed to be studying for tomorrow's cardiology final. Seriously I'm sick of it. I haven't gone anywhere this whole weekend, and the last time I exercised was over a week ago. Oh for those who don't know, lol, I'm a gym freak.
Isn't it annoying when you try and concentrate on what you're doing, and try to focus on your studying, something always pops up into your head? And you get distracted and start thinking of that other thing, just to escape from your books, and before you realize, you've just wasted a whole hour.
What pops into my head? Well, here's me studying: ' so mitral regurg would be best heard in......, oh I really should write my xmas cards before I forget coz I have to mail them tomorrow, oh and I need to call my trainer and decide on when to meet. Okay back to work, so mitral regurg again can be best heard in....., oh why did she have to stop giving classes? Why now? So what's gonna happen next? Maybe I should just call her and ask. No no, later, now I have to study. lol so back again with the mitral valve, oh damn this valve, I know the murmur radiates from the apex to the axilla, finally!'.
Posted by Noors at 4:12 AM
