Sunday, March 27, 2005

Breat cancer awarness. How aware are we of this deadly disease? Do we actually spend enough time doing anything about it?

When you work in the breast clinic for sometime, you realize that the number of patients with breast cancer is gradually increasing. It's a major problem in the west, and it's slowly creeping into our lives too. Too bad we're not putting too much effort into educating women about the best methods for early detection, or not spending enough money into supporting research that goes around this topic.

The Royal Hospital is doing something amazing. They are selling pins in the shape of the breast cancer logo. It's slowly gaining it's popularity among the females in the hospital. You know, one would wear it, 1o would ask her where she got it from, and then they'd be asked and so forth. It's a good start. Sad thing is, A LOT of people asked me what this was. I thought more people were aware of the breast cancer logo or at least had some idea about it, then again, by them asking, you get to tell them what it's all about, and you spread the message.

Another sad issue, is how little people trust the docs when it comes to this. Once they find out they've got breast cancer, they prefer to go abroad and get the EXACT same treatment that they would've gotten here. Why the lack of trust? Why not show some faith into these people who have been working so hard to learn how to treat and to save you from going abroad? It just irritates me so much, because I've seen how dedicated these people are to their work, and how much they care about giving their patients the best option of treatment, yet you don't get much in return!

Anyway, got this forward email from a friend, I thought I'd share it here, and I hope you click on the link to support the idea that it holds,

A Favour to Ask..... It only takes a minute..... Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on> "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

Posted by Noors at 6:06 PM 5 comments

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Every one of us has something in this world that comes first. We differ in our goals and our dreams, we all have our own priorities that we struggle to fulfill. Is it possible that we can get them all mixed up? That what shouldn't come first, is so for you, but to others, it just doesnt' make much sense? And who gets to decide what's wrong and what's right? Do you go by your instinct? Or do you go with whatever you were brought up with in your society? Would you be considered 'different' if you you look at things from a different angle?

I believe it's okay to be different. You should always go with what your heart and brain tell you to do. You don't have to listen to what others think, and you shouldn't really care if people disagree, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are wrong, and I guess, we all need to accept that and accept to see a few exceptions to what is common.

Posted by Noors at 8:30 PM 5 comments

testing...

Posted by Noors at 8:54 AM 2 comments

Monday, March 21, 2005

Was out all day yesterday. Left the house at 7 in the morning and didnt' come back until after 11 at night.

The oncall was rather slow at the beginning, but then I spent some time with my doc, reading CT scans, and discussing a few topics, then we were called to the A&E, or in other words the emergency rooms. There were a few cases that were suspected of having appendicitis, so they needed a surgical consult. Only one was admitted to be kept under observation, the rest were discharged. I had a good time there, it felt good to be back in the Royal Hospital, like I said, it has it's charm.

I'm not really feeling like myself today, something came up last night, which kinda made me very uncomfortable, and it's too personal to talk about here in my blog. All I know now is that I'm confused, and I need to do a lot of thinking.

Final on Saturday, and I'm oncall on Thursday in SQUH, I don't think I'll go though, I've got enough work as it is, plus I'll probably be spending the morning in the Royal Hospital library studying, and if I get the chance I might scrub in and assist in a circumcision.

Nothing interesting, I dont feel like talking today.

Posted by Noors at 2:54 PM 4 comments

Friday, March 18, 2005

The English Patient

That was a heart breaking story. A love story that ended up with death. The movie just talked about a lot of feelings, I just sat there and couldn't get my eyes of the screen. I was just thinking of how free we are to follow our emotions. I mean, this lady was married to her best friend, and so I would understand that she never really had any 'true love', until she met that man. I was wondering if she even had the right to cheat her husband, who loved her dearly. Maybe it would've been better if she was honest with him, and told him about her true feelings. The way her love unded up after the plane crash was very sad. My God, how can someone live like that, and endure all the pain? He changed from being a handsome young man, who was in love, to just a barely living body, with nothing but grief, and a very vague memory of his life.

Does love make you go beyond what you think you're capable of? Does love have this mysterious magic that makes you fall for it's spell and you become forever a slave to it? Is it truly the most amazing feeling you can ever have? Does it give you a sense of being complete with someone else there by your side, and your life no longer cirlces around you alone, but includes another human being that becomes as important to you as your own life?

A lot of questions? But do we have one definite answer to them? We all interpret love in our own different ways. We all have our standards and ideas, but I think we all do agree on the single fact that love, changes you forever....

Posted by Noors at 10:36 PM 5 comments

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Sorry for the delay. Tuesday didn't go to bed until 4:30 in the morning, I had six cases to prepare for Wednesday's classes.

Wednesday was LONG! After non stop sessions from 8 to 1, we had a meeting regarding our coming conference, that lasted from 1:30 till about 4. Got back home at 5, and left at 6 to the hospital. There was one case to be taken to the OT. lol I'm not going to say what it was, because you guys are just going to be disgusted, but at the same time, I got to do something. What really made me feel good, was that, today, and for the first time in ages, my doctor told me that he was impressed with my enthusiasim to learn more, and to ask a lot, and to be ther in the operating theatre, even if it's late. He said it made him more interested as a teacher to teach. He gave me back my case report, and also gave me some of the threads they use for surgery for me to practice my knots. He said he's testing me on Sunday, during our next oncall. lol I've spent the whole day practicing, and now I can do them quickly. Two cases of appendicectomies came in late, one after the other, at around 10:30. However, I couldn't stay. My eyes were barely open, and by the time they took them to the theatre, it would've been 11:30, meaning that I won't be getting home until 2 am.

Decided to spend the morning shopping. I found these really cute and wonderful earings which I thought would make the perfect gift for Mother's day. Im' taking my dad there tomorrow to have a look at it, and hopefully, I'll end up buying it.

Hmm, nothing interesting much this time. I'm just happy with how things are moving so far. Still not very enthusiastic about Saturday, and about having to go to uni again everyday from now on, but I'll try and make the most of it. Oncalls, will do them in Royal, with my doc, at least I'll be learning something, and hey, maybe it won't be too bad in uni, I might actually have some fun, meet up with my friends there, I haven't been able to see them much in the last month because I'm not there much anymore, so maybe we can catch up with their latest news, oh and I might start exercising, somewhere else, yes, things haven't been solved yet with the other place, so I'm going for an alternative, desperate calls, call for desperate measures.

Okay, I'm gonna go watch 'The English Patient'. I hope it's good, otherwise Sam is in trouble, lol.

Posted by Noors at 11:53 PM 1 comments

Monday, March 14, 2005

This week is really going by very fast. I'm enjoying every second of it, but seriously, I just want some time to get some decent sleep. I've been trying to study, and half way through I just fell asleep on my bed while I was reading, lol, and it wasn't even late. Thing is, we were supposed to have a session with one of the consultants, but he was busy with the 7th year examination, so he sends Dr K instead. He's the one who keeps asking me all different questions, lol, and I have to go back and read all abt it, because he would always ask me again the next day.

I spent the morning in the breast clinic again. Another young doctor, with a very bright future, I can just tell.

God, I'm so gonna miss the place. Tomorrow's my last day there, then next week we go back to SQUH.

As for personal life, not much. Haven't seen anyone this week. Not planning on doing anything special this weekend, other than my oncall. I think I'll just stay home and get as much sleep as possible. I miss waking up in the morning, realizing that it's still very early, and that I've got nothing to do, and go back to sleep, or just stay in bed and do nothing. Maybe I can do that on Friday? Hmm, Thursday, might have to go to Royal and do some studying, so I guess I'll leave that to Friday. Il'l rent a dvd, and watch all my favourite series, and see if I can get the rest of the tapes from my uncle. This weekend, I'm gonna try and do some serious relaxation.

Exercise, exercise, exercise. Missing it even more. Well, not all the time, but I dooooo. I'm not used to not working out for such a long time. Maybe I should start somewhere else. I can't wait forever, and I miss sweating, and the rise in my adrenaline during my work out. It'll probably help me to destress, and maybe I won't be tired most of the time, like I am usually these days.

Oh well...

Need to go finish reading.....

Posted by Noors at 10:41 PM 0 comments

Sunday, March 13, 2005

So the end of the day was just as good as it started. I finished typing my second case write up, went and got it all printed out and binded, got myself some mocha from starbucks and went to the hospital. I got there at 6 and thought I'd check the OT before going to the ward. There was an eppendicectomy that had just finished, but they had another case. So I changed and went in. The doctor oncall, let me scrub, and again, I got to stand close to him and he kept asking me about the different layers in the abdomen as he was cutting through. This surgery took some time until the appendix was removed. He told me to do the subcutaneous suturing, and lol, I guess I did it better this time. My hands weren't shaking so badly. After that, we got some gauze and started trying suturing on that. lol We were also sitting in the doctors room before this surgery, and he was trying to teach me and another doctor how to tie one of the surgical knots.

I like this type of learning, we sit and discuss, lol, or should I say, I sit and he hits me with different kinds of questions. It just sticks in your head better, and you start to teach your mind how to think and how to analyze things,..

Anyway, I'm tired, and I still have to do some reading before I can sleep.

Later

Posted by Noors at 10:52 PM 0 comments

Today was amazing, and it's not over yet, lol, but I thought I'd come here and let all the excitment out.

Today is Sunday, which is the OT day for team B. I got there a bit late because I had some trouble finding a doc who is supposed to be attending my presentation today. I got in when they were done with the laparoscopic cholecystectomy, which is the removal of the gall bladder. But I still stayed and watched as the doc was closing up. Now this doctor, is very good, and at the same time, he can say whatever he thinks straight away, he thinks you did something wrong, he would critisize you, in front of everyone. So I ask him if the knot he was doing was a square knot, because I'm teaching myself how to do them. So he gives me this look then walks, lol, I got scared for a second. He came to me and said, this is way beyond my expectations regarding medical students, he was impressed that I knew a few types of knots, and told me that he teaches this kind of stuff to post graduates who want to do surgery. So he gets a thread, and shows me how to tie it, he did it around my finger, and that was so cool.

Later, was a lump removal for a patient with breast cancer, and the other doctor tells me to scrub, and lets me stand close by him so I can see whatever he was doing. He let me hold a few things, and was willing to let me suture, but unfortunatlly I had to run because I was going to be late for my own presentation, lol. One of the docs and the nurses were very helpful because they helped me learn how to scrub and everything. It was really a day that I wont' be forgetting any time soon. The support you get from the doctors over there is amazing. True, they can be nasty to you sometimes, but for the purpose of teaching you a lesson, but they always care about you, and when you do something good, they always encourage you and give you a boost to do better.

I'm oncall today, so lets see how this day is gonna go....

Posted by Noors at 3:32 PM 5 comments

Friday, March 11, 2005

Someone's watching over me...

Some words that I fell in love with yesterday, while I was watching the movie 'raise your voice'. Gave me a boost that I needed so desperately,

"Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is just you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me
It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart
So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching overSomeone's watching over me
Someone's watching over me"

Posted by Noors at 10:01 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I've been feeling so empty these last few days. Things have been really good in the hospital, it can't get any better actually. This is the first rotation where I get so attached to the people working there, and get to know them better.

Maybe it's just because, even though I'm enjoying my work, a lot, I haven't been doing anything else. I miss exercising terribly, I just feel like I've lost my energy. I miss having it in my life, it gave me something to look forward to everyday. I wish things would work out quickly, I want to be hyper like I used to. Yesterday, few of the girls told me that I haven't been myself lately, and that I looked pale, I haven't heard anyone tell me this in ages...

I hate this feeling of emptiness. I just feel emotionally detached from everything. My constant thinking is on my studies, and on the hospital. Damn, I even see them in my dreams. I just have this inner feeling that I need something extra. Something to remind me of the world around me. Something to pull me a bit away from my small circle into a bigger one.. God I don't even make any sense..

But still,

I'm really starting to like surgery. Today, I got the chance to attend a breast reconstruction surgery, done here in Oman for the very first time. I'm seriously thinking of it as a specialty, it's such a male dominated area, and we seriously need more women in that field. The problem is, most women wouldn't go for it in the beginning, because it is so demanding, and requires a lot of dedication, and a lot of hours spent away from your home, that they choose something easier. Or some would actually go for it, then 2 years later, they decide to quit because of their families, and their responsibilites. It's sad how a lot of good women withdraw themselves from choosing their careers, I understand the whole family situation, but men need to be more tolerant, and be more supportive, is that too much to ask for?

Posted by Noors at 7:19 PM 0 comments

Sunday, March 06, 2005

So yesterday I had my talk with my doc. I'm so glad I did. it just made me feel more comfortable. I'm finally getting to know the doctors on my team, and all of a sudden, my group decide to switch teams, even though our coordinator is not really happy with this, but he couldn't really object. I do. I mean, now that we're finally starting to bond with the others, and feel like we do fit in, we're changing teams, which means that we have to start all over again.

As for suturing, my doc said that he'd teach me the basic knots, probably on Tuesday, and next time we're oncall, he'll show me more, if there are any emergency cases. So that's something to look forward to.

Nothing impressive, I'm just happy of these small improvements.

Posted by Noors at 10:21 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I woke up at 4 this morning, it was probably the rain. Anyway, I just sat there in my bed, and listened to the rain, and then I just thought abt my patient, the guy I tried suturing on. So today, I wanted to go see him before I went to the operation theatre, but I was late because of the traffic, when it rains here, everything gets out of control!

Anyway, I went to see him later, before my session, and he was in pain. I just freaked out. I felt like my heart just froze there for a sec, and then it started to beat so fast. I know I have nothing to do with it, from what I heard, it's normal for a person to be in pain for abt 5 days, and with his case, you can explain it well, because the surgeon had to dig in a bit to find the appendix. But I just can't help myself. I'm worried abt him, and I tried to find my doc for two hours, I even stayed after my session hoping I'd see him.

You know what my problem is? I know my work well enough. I know deep inside that I'm good. But I always lose my confidence infront of my superiors. I just lose it! You know I'd talk, but not in the way that I want to, or sometimes I just want to make a move and volunteer to be the one to be on the spot and examine the patient in front of the whole group. Or when I was suturing, I know I wasn't really scared. But the thought that everyone's eyes were looking at my hands, and that if i screwed this up, I'd be teased abt it for ages, my hands just started shaking.....

I need to be able to prove myself. I thought I'd sit and talk to this doctor, maybe Sunday, in the clinic, in between patients. I thought maybe if I talk to someone abt it, a doctor that is, he or she might be able to understand this fear more than anyone else. I know it would be comforting.

Focus, focus, focus...

Posted by Noors at 5:48 PM 2 comments