The Story of Me!

I woke up at 4 this morning, it was probably the rain. Anyway, I just sat there in my bed, and listened to the rain, and then I just thought abt my patient, the guy I tried suturing on. So today, I wanted to go see him before I went to the operation theatre, but I was late because of the traffic, when it rains here, everything gets out of control!

Anyway, I went to see him later, before my session, and he was in pain. I just freaked out. I felt like my heart just froze there for a sec, and then it started to beat so fast. I know I have nothing to do with it, from what I heard, it's normal for a person to be in pain for abt 5 days, and with his case, you can explain it well, because the surgeon had to dig in a bit to find the appendix. But I just can't help myself. I'm worried abt him, and I tried to find my doc for two hours, I even stayed after my session hoping I'd see him.

You know what my problem is? I know my work well enough. I know deep inside that I'm good. But I always lose my confidence infront of my superiors. I just lose it! You know I'd talk, but not in the way that I want to, or sometimes I just want to make a move and volunteer to be the one to be on the spot and examine the patient in front of the whole group. Or when I was suturing, I know I wasn't really scared. But the thought that everyone's eyes were looking at my hands, and that if i screwed this up, I'd be teased abt it for ages, my hands just started shaking.....

I need to be able to prove myself. I thought I'd sit and talk to this doctor, maybe Sunday, in the clinic, in between patients. I thought maybe if I talk to someone abt it, a doctor that is, he or she might be able to understand this fear more than anyone else. I know it would be comforting.

Focus, focus, focus...

Posted by Noors at 5:48 PM