Let me graduate!
When you choose a career where you're supposed to study for 7 long years just to be qualified as a junior physician, you would probably reach to a point where you get saturated of being a student.
I know I've reached that stage lol.
Here in the UK, you get qualified in 5 years, my God that's TWO bloody years less than us! You can clearly see everyone's eyes open wide and their jaws drop open when I tell them that it's a 7 years course in my country.
The SHO's I work with are 25 and I'm 23 and still a student. By the time I'm 25 I would be just starting my specialization, lol.
It's just that, I've reached a point where I'm tired of being a student, of being a burden. I want to work and have my own patients. Make decisions when it comes to their management. True, I do see patients on my own, and discuss with the docs which investigations we should choose, but after that, it's out of my hand. It would no longer be 'my call'. The management part is something you gain with experience. When you're thrown into a situation and need to make a choice, of course you need to run it by your seniors, but you get the hang of it. I want to do that! I want to start my final year, sit for my exams and get my MD degree and start working.
I know I'm going to miss life as a student, because you don't have much responsibilites. Once you're qualified, you're swamped with loads of work, especially as a junior. But for some reason, I want that. I wanna get on with it and be of some kind of a use. I want to get on with my life, lol, I've been a student for far too long! I feel like I'm ready for the next phase in my life.
Posted by Noors at 2:55 PM
There's a big event that is going to take place in Adam's fitness centre on this Wed and Thurs. For those of you who are into marathons for the sake of charity, then this is the event you should be participating in this weekend. The marathon is basically going to be a race on the bikes between different teams, if I've understood them properly.
The idea has been there for a while now, but it was just an idea, nothing serious was done until a few days ago.
Anyway, this charity event is for the sake of cancer association. A lot of companies are sponsoring this event, and there will be a good deal of media coverage.
All in all, this event is gonna be a big hit, and I'm gonna miss it. I was msging my trainer yesterday and we were talking about this, lol, and she goes, 'So when are you booking to come back?' lol, I know she was teasing me, but heck, if I could go back to Oman for the weekend, just to attend this marathon, I would! Honestly, I'd do it without even thinking about it twice. Anyone want to sponsor me and buy me a ticket? hehe
On a lighter note, I, ladies and gentlmen, made my very first meal yesterday. My sister just gave me the stuff and told me to mix and do whatever I wanted. So I was left with a lot of stuff, and a puzzled look on my face lol. I think it took me about an hour to finish with what was supposed to come out as macaroni, hehe. It turned out okay I guess. It wasn't too bad, something you'd eat anyway, well it just needed a little more salt, but i guess it wasn't a complete failure for a first timer. I wish I could attach a picture here to show you all lol.
Will I try again? Hmm, don't know lol
Posted by Noors at 3:12 AM
One of the things that I started to become more aware of ever since I started my training here in Cardiff, is how unpleasent it is to go through an illness with no one there by your side. Throughout those three weeks, I've come across quite a few patients who are demented, i.e. elderly patients who start to lose their cognitive function gradually, which can manifest in different forms one of which is loss of memory. A lot of them come to the hospital from their care houses, with infections or so, and you see them there in the hospital, helpless, with barely any cognitive brain functioning, and some of them get to you, especially those who are in a lot of pain, and with no one around to be by their side. Of course you have others who do have supportive families, and you see the look of concern in their children's eyes. It's starting to get to me. I would look at one of the patients and my heart just aches, and I get scared all of a sudden, I never want to end up in a hospital bed all alone.
The idea of lonliness is starting to scare me. It never did before...
There are times when you work in a hospital, where the tragic or heart breaking stories of some of the patients do get to you. No matter how hard you try not to get attached, there are times when it somehow affects you, and the best feeling is when you know that you've helped them somehow, even in the slightest way, but you still have done at least something for them. Other times, it's just frustrating, when you see yourself helpless in front of a disease, and you know that there isn't much that you can really do.
*I need a hug*
Posted by Noors at 12:08 PM
Okay it's finally getting to me....
I'm having withdrawal symptoms from lack of exercise! The walking helps, because I walk for about an hour everyday as it's half an hour to and from the hospital, but for someone who's addicted to exercise, it's not enough, especially that I'm used to a high impact, strenous exercise on a daily basis.
I'm still not homesick or anything, I talk to my parents every other day, and I update them about my work and training.
I just miss the gym, I miss working out, I miss sweating like crazy till my shirt is soaking wet, I miss the bikes and the weights, I miss that amazing feeling I get during and after the exercise! The laughing, the craziness, the pain in my legs or arms when we get to the peak of our workout.
I've been trying to find a gym here with ladies timings only. Now that hasn't been easy at all. I finally found this place that has ladies timings in the evening once a week only, I guess it's better than nothing. A few places do have ladies timings twice a week but that's during the morning when I'm at the hospital, urgh!
I just have so much energy and I can't let it all out. I mean standing in the hospital all day long and walking isn't enough for someone like me.......
lol I need to figure something out before I go mad!
Posted by Noors at 1:42 PM
One of my 'so many' thoughts...
"Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were"
I believe in that, we all do, it's just one of life's well known facts that we can do nothing with but to accept it and keep living.
I find it easier in many times to never really 'want' something, because it's there in the back of my head that I will probably end up not getting it, so why keep my hopes up in the first place? You might think of it as a negative way of thinking, but it's not. I'm very positive. True, there are times when it just gets to me when I've wanted something so badly and I can't have it, and all I could think of is why, but to make it easier I tell myself that it wasn't meant to be, because it wasn't good enough for me, and that God has something greater in store for me, I just have to have faith in that.
I find it very comforting to live your life in content. Don't expect a lot from life, just cherish what you have. I'm teaching myself not to want anything, except probably career-wise, because that's one thing that I know I have complete control over. It's my hard work that would get me somehwere and help me put a smile on someone's face.
It helps you to live peacefully. Accepting what you have and being thankful to God. Not dwelling on what you don't have, but rather concentrate on the so many blessings that you already have right in front of you..
Posted by Noors at 2:48 PM
I've finished my first week in my emergency medicine rotation today. I've worked very hard this past week, and in a matter of a few days, I got to know a lot of the docs and learn a lot.
I must admit that I felt like a complete idiot and out of place on my first day, lol, and all I could think of, I want to go homeeee, but by the second day, the docs started to give me more attention, and I started to gradually fit in.
I'm really having a good time. I'm so busy all day long, and for the first time in quite a while, I'm giving medicine and my work my full attention, with no distractions whatsoever. I remember now why I wanted medicine, and how good I felt when I took care of patients and helped in any possible way. I now realize that medicine is my world, it takes up all of my time, and I don't mind it at all.
I'm still not home sick. I do miss my family, the little kids, my car and of course the gym, but at the same time, I'm really having a good time here with the weather, the new life style, the busy and hectic work. And also, it's so easy for me to fall asleep now, haha, back home, I've always always always had trouble sleeping. Here, I just collapse in bed by 11 and I'm instantly asleep, damn it feels sooo good lol *touch wood*
It's interesting how similar the hospital system is very similar between back home and here. There isn't much difference, and I must admit that our level isn't any less better than here. Probably the administrative system still needs a bit of work, especially in the emergency room settings, but treatment wise, I'm proud to say that our level is very good. Of course a lot of the cases here are a bit different. What's more common here isn't very common in Muscat, so I'm learning more about what are the most common problems that would be part of your differential diagnosis, as in, what diseases you'd first think of, depending on what is more common.
Right, it's a Friday night, and I'm home lol. Too tired to do anything..
Posted by Noors at 2:27 PM
Alright, so I've been here in Cardiff since yesterday.
I'm usually the kind of person who doesn't like change, I like knowing my way around, and being in control, and most importantly, I usually get home sick even before leaving!
Until today, I'm not the least bit home-sick, which really surprises me lol. I'm not missing anything yet. I'm looking forward to going to the hopsital on Monday and starting my rotations, I'm planning on proving myself over here, show them that I'm good enough to be called a doc (in a year that is).
I really needed a break from Oman, to leave everything and go out and do something different and exciting. Get my mind off things. I have many goals that I'm aiming to achieve by the end of those two months. I want to come back as a stronger person, who wouldn't let things get to her, who's in complete control, who still cares a lot about those who deserve it, but at the same time, learn to accept the fact that sometimes I should let myself come first, I should do things for 'me' for a change. I want to focus on my studies, and prepare myself for my final year, read a lot and gain as many skills and experience as I can over here. I've always aimed on being a damn good doctor, I won't let anything come in the way and distract me next year, I have to give medicine my full attention.
As for the Group Fitness Training exam, I missed it, for several reasons. I've been looking around today for the ladies only gym that I found online, but no luck so far, but I'm not giving up hope yet.
Right, hear this, who, just tell me who forgets a 25kg suitcase on a bus? LOL! ME! I leave Heathrow, and I was lucky because my flight was a bit early so I was able to get the early bus to Cardiff, and by the time I got there, I was sooooooo tired that I just got off the bus and walked, only for a minute though, and by the time I realized I didn't have my bag with me the bus was gone. Hehe, my cousin came to pick me up and when I told her what happened she just didn't know what to say. My sister thought I was crazy, I mean true, who on earth forgets a bag? A small one, maybe, but not your suitcase lol. So anyway they tell us the same bus comes back later and lucky for me, I did get my bag...
That would be an interesting story to put in my presentation which I'm supposed to give once I'm back about my elective program lol.
Posted by Noors at 10:16 AM