My last post on my blog was on June 13th 07, over a year ago. I guess I just lost the passion to write, or just got busy with you know, 'life'..
I realized I needed to go back to writing, this blog was my way ot letting it out, putting my feelings into words, somehow helped me feel better, and at times, gave me a sense of clarity when I saw it down in writing.
I graduated a year ago, and life changed from being a student to being a doctor, I've had my share of good and bad days. Days when I felt like I've done something for a patient, and days when I was just too tired from the stress. Life just changed completely, I have so many memories of my year as an intern, the late nights during oncalls, we'd be too tired and finally resting at 3am, so we'd just sit, laugh and joke around, the amount of blood collections that we had to do, My God! We used to call ourselves 'vampires'!!!
And I guess part of growing up is that you experience life as it is, including losing someone you cared about. That shattered me completely and left me unable to feel anything but pain. Trying to adjust to the fact that they've passed away and are no longer around. I think that's the hardest thing anyone can ever go through, knowing that they are no longer there, wishing you could see them again or talk to them. It's hard to let go and move on. I guess all it needs is time, it does heal all wounds right? Or it's supposed to anyway, I don't know..
Growing up, party of life, the so called 'bitter sweet symphony'
Here's to better days with good things and nothing but smiles on our faces
I promised I'd try and keep this blog going, but it's a lot harder than I thought. Every time I tell myself that I would update, because my head would be filled with so many ideas and stuff that I want to talk about, but then I come here, and blaaaaank, and I'm just not bothered to write.
So what have I been up to all this time?
Studying! I'm finally graduating in about 2 months. I've started my final rotation as a student today which is surgery, one of my favourites.
Finally got my instructors certificate in cycling in November, which was truly an amazing experience. Went again for a continuing education course and I'm planning on keeping it up!
And of course ladies and gentlemen, to the most amazing thing that's been keeping me on my toes for the past few days, my car!
It's been overheating every now and then, got it fixed but lately it started to overheat every freakin' day. Can you imagine having to drive around with an emergency coolant in your car, because you know,\ it is going to overheat very soon, and every time before you get into your car, you have to check that there's enough of it to keep the car going. It's crazy! Not to mention of course, the many guys who stop, acting all macho, asking me if I needed any help, I mean sure a lot are nice and sincerely want to help, but then you have those who are just messing around, and when you tell them you're fine, they give you this look like, 'why on earth is a girl doing this on her own?' lol.
Anyways, the car is finally going to the workshop tomorrow. They weren't able to take it earlier because, again, with my great luck, the place was a mess after the rain, and the workshop was shut for a couple of days and they had loads of work backed up.
So there you go, enjoy the read, there's a lot more to come!
This year is only getting harder and more stressful. I'm spending more and more time on my own...
My internal medicine rotation, which is the hardest, finals are in two weeks. I'm worried sick, and I'm very nervous about them. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm good. That I got what it takes and I should be able to go in with a lot of confidence and just do my best. But for some reason, it won't go into my head, which leads to me being nervous whenever I'm being evaluated by a consultant in front of my colleagues. I wish I could find a solution, and I wish I could just trust my abilities.
Lately, I'm spending long hours in the hospital with barely any breaks, which I don't mind. I like the environement in the royal hopsital, and a lot of the docs are friendly, and then I spend the rest of the day in my room, studying. Gets lonely I must admit.
Classes no longer there. I don't really like the work out classes in the new place, but I like doing my cardio on my own. Put my music on, and start my cardio. I just go into my own world, and I feel the rush of adrenaline as I start sweating, and then I get so into it and start running on the treadmill, so that's not too bad. Plus I've decided to start walking outdoors since the weather is getting better.
Last week I was so tired that I thought, why not change my major? Do I have what it takes to be a doc? Do I want to be a doc? Wouldn't I be happy being an instructor? I'm back to my senses now lol. I love medicine, I can't just leave, I'm almost done, I never leave a job undone...
haha, I'm seriously gonna lose my mind by the time I graduate!
Maybe after I'm done, I'll have somewhat of a proper social and personal life!!! *yeah right lol!!!*
Here's a really sweet and touching forward that I recieved today and I thought I'd share it with you. It really put a smile on my face.
"Every so-called coincidence or answered prayer is God’s way of letting you know He's thinking of you. By Squire Rushnell
You’ve had another one of those days.
Everything seems uncertain.
You think: Wouldn’t it be great to wake up one morning and have everything be certain? Certain in love? Certain about your job? Certain about your future?
Who could you talk to about this? Bigger question, who’d listen? Tentatively your eyes drift skyward.
Hello? Are you there, God?
Then your mind quickly assesses the immensity of your request. You want God to listen to you, right now. How ridiculous. There are six billion people on this planet. What if they’re all calling God at the same time?
You slump. Deeper into the dumps.
A little silly thing.
Someone you just thought about for the first time in years phones out of the blue--a silly little coincidence, so silly you shrug it off. Or a prayer you didn’t really expect to be answered--was! Immediately, your left brain repeats something you once heard: There’s a mathematical explanation for everything.
“But…” you say, “mayyyyybe…it’s not just coincidence or chance!”
Maybe God is communicating with you.
Yes directly to you!
You shake your head.
Naw. Couldn’t be.
But…what if God is communicating with you--in a nonverbal way--making a little miracle happen, right in front of you? After all, God doesn’t speak to people in a human voice. He’s God…He’d do something no one else could do, just to show you it’s Him!
If so, that would mean that He is listening! Right?
He has heard you!
What if through this odd little coincidence, or answered prayer, He’s sending you--you… out of all of those billions of people--a direct personal message of reassurance? To stop worrying? To keep the faith? That everything will be all right?
Every time you receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it’s a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you--what I call a godwink.
It’s similar to when you were a kid at the dining room table. You looked up and saw someone you loved looking back. Mom or Dad or Granddad. They gave you a little wink.
You had a nice feeling from that small silent communication.
What did it mean? Probably--“Hey kid…I’m thinking about you right this moment. I’m proud of you. Everything is going to be all right.”
That’s what a godwink is.
Every so-called coincidence or answered prayer is God’s way of giving you His small, silent, communication. A little wink saying, “Hey kid! I’m thinking of you…right now!”
It’s a clear message of reassurance-that not matter how uncertain your life seems at the moment, He will help move you toward certainty.
And it’s a sign that you’re never alone. In fact, you’re always on His GPS--a global positioning system I like to call God’s Positioning System…."
Don't you just hate it when someone comes up to you and says 'oh have you gained some weight?', especially when you've been working out so hard at the gym, and have been trying to eat properly, while they couldn't care less about moving an inch and sweating and indulge in eating whatever it is that they want?
Why do you ask?
I just hate how discouraging poeple can be. We live in a world where we look at those 'skinny' models as idols when it comes to figures. If you're a bit more full, then you'll be teased about it again and again. People tend to forget how hard you work out, how you're gradually replacing the fat with the 'good lean muscle mass'. How you're changing your lifestyle into adapting a more positive attitude. How you're adapting methods to combat the everyday stress that lead a lot of women into diverting to binging and eating to relieve their stress.
They want you to be as thin as a toothpick, yet when you do start exercising and eating properly, they call you crazy or silly when you go out for a meal and choose to have a salad instead of a steak. They tell you how dull you are when you say you'd rather not have ice cream but something light. They tell you, why on earth do you diet when you have a good figure? When the fact is, you're eating healthy, you're trying to eat right, and the only reason you maintain a good fitness level and a good shape is through all of this.
You go over to a relatives house, or a friends house, and they nag and nag about you not eating, and about you not trying their wide collection of sweets.
They don't appreciate the way you're transforming, they don't notice how healthy and how fit you are, but the moment you have a setback and you gain a bit of weight, just a bit, you hear the comments all around. Sheesh, appreciate what that person is trying to do. No one is perfect, you aim for progress and not perfection. We're humans after all, we have our downs and ups. The smart person is someone who will stand up again and continue..
Does anyone ever appreciate that?
Not that often I'm afraid....
I was watching a movie the other day called 'Phat Girls'. I liked it. It shows you exactly how people of the heavy size struggle around. It's not fun, and it's hard to live when you hate the way you look and feel and how those around you take every opportunity to mock you.
It used to bug me BIG TIME when someone who barely exercises or eats junk, would come up to me and say My Noors, you look like you've put on a bit of weight, look at your face! Now, I try and not let it get to me. After reading the body for life book, I'm aiming on progress. I'm not perfect and never will be. I have no weight issues, and I'm proud of my fitness level. I'm trying to eat as healthy as possible. But I'm only human. When I crave for something sweet, I'll have it. I'm a girl so hormones play a role. I exercise to feel good and healthy, looking good is just an added luxury, but it does pushes you forward because you end up liking the results, and you end up with a complete transformation, inside out.