The Story of Me!

Growing up..

2008-09-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

My last post on my blog was on June 13th 07, over a year ago. I guess I just lost the passion to write, or just got busy with you know, 'life'..

I realized I needed to go back to writing, this blog was my way ot letting it out, putting my feelings into words, somehow helped me feel better, and at times, gave me a sense of clarity when I saw it down in writing.

I graduated a year ago, and life changed from being a student to being a doctor, I've had my share of good and bad days. Days when I felt like I've done something for a patient, and days when I was just too tired from the stress. Life just changed completely, I have so many memories of my year as an intern, the late nights during oncalls, we'd be too tired and finally resting at 3am, so we'd just sit, laugh and joke around, the amount of blood collections that we had to do, My God! We used to call ourselves 'vampires'!!!

And I guess part of growing up is that you experience life as it is, including losing someone you cared about. That shattered me completely and left me unable to feel anything but pain. Trying to adjust to the fact that they've passed away and are no longer around. I think that's the hardest thing anyone can ever go through, knowing that they are no longer there, wishing you could see them again or talk to them. It's hard to let go and move on. I guess all it needs is time, it does heal all wounds right? Or it's supposed to anyway, I don't know..

Growing up, party of life, the so called 'bitter sweet symphony'

Here's to better days with good things and nothing but smiles on our faces

Gonu Relief Blog

2007-06-13T04:47:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

With the recent cyclone event, the country is in need for everyone's help to get through this hard time. We need to put our hands together and work to get our country back on it's feet.

Do help! Together we can do a lot, together, anything is possible.

Press on the link below and check the Gonu Relief Blog for any updates on how you can help.

Get my banner code or create your own banner

And here we go!

2007-03-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Right,

I promised I'd try and keep this blog going, but it's a lot harder than I thought. Every time I tell myself that I would update, because my head would be filled with so many ideas and stuff that I want to talk about, but then I come here, and blaaaaank, and I'm just not bothered to write.

So what have I been up to all this time?

Studying! I'm finally graduating in about 2 months. I've started my final rotation as a student today which is surgery, one of my favourites.

Finally got my instructors certificate in cycling in November, which was truly an amazing experience. Went again for a continuing education course and I'm planning on keeping it up!

And of course ladies and gentlemen, to the most amazing thing that's been keeping me on my toes for the past few days, my car!

It's been overheating every now and then, got it fixed but lately it started to overheat every freakin' day. Can you imagine having to drive around with an emergency coolant in your car, because you know,\ it is going to overheat very soon, and every time before you get into your car, you have to check that there's enough of it to keep the car going. It's crazy! Not to mention of course, the many guys who stop, acting all macho, asking me if I needed any help, I mean sure a lot are nice and sincerely want to help, but then you have those who are just messing around, and when you tell them you're fine, they give you this look like, 'why on earth is a girl doing this on her own?' lol.

Anyways, the car is finally going to the workshop tomorrow. They weren't able to take it earlier because, again, with my great luck, the place was a mess after the rain, and the workshop was shut for a couple of days and they had loads of work backed up.

So there you go, enjoy the read, there's a lot more to come!

Is this really happening?

2007-03-02T04:33:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is an update!

Well, sort of an update. Just to tell people that I'm still very much alive!

I was asked to update and I just couldn't say no, so I'm gonna try and keep this blog alive, though I have a feeling that I've lost most of my readers...

Going crazy....

2006-11-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

I'm just tired....

Tired of everything....

This year is only getting harder and more stressful. I'm spending more and more time on my own...

My internal medicine rotation, which is the hardest, finals are in two weeks. I'm worried sick, and I'm very nervous about them. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm good. That I got what it takes and I should be able to go in with a lot of confidence and just do my best. But for some reason, it won't go into my head, which leads to me being nervous whenever I'm being evaluated by a consultant in front of my colleagues. I wish I could find a solution, and I wish I could just trust my abilities.

Lately, I'm spending long hours in the hospital with barely any breaks, which I don't mind. I like the environement in the royal hopsital, and a lot of the docs are friendly, and then I spend the rest of the day in my room, studying. Gets lonely I must admit.

Classes no longer there. I don't really like the work out classes in the new place, but I like doing my cardio on my own. Put my music on, and start my cardio. I just go into my own world, and I feel the rush of adrenaline as I start sweating, and then I get so into it and start running on the treadmill, so that's not too bad. Plus I've decided to start walking outdoors since the weather is getting better.

Last week I was so tired that I thought, why not change my major? Do I have what it takes to be a doc? Do I want to be a doc? Wouldn't I be happy being an instructor? I'm back to my senses now lol. I love medicine, I can't just leave, I'm almost done, I never leave a job undone...

haha, I'm seriously gonna lose my mind by the time I graduate!

Maybe after I'm done, I'll have somewhat of a proper social and personal life!!! *yeah right lol!!!*

When God gives you a wink...

2006-10-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

Here's a really sweet and touching forward that I recieved today and I thought I'd share it with you. It really put a smile on my face.

"Every so-called coincidence or answered prayer is God’s way of letting you know He's thinking of you. By Squire Rushnell

You’ve had another one of those days.

Everything seems uncertain.

You think: Wouldn’t it be great to wake up one morning and have everything be certain? Certain in love? Certain about your job? Certain about your future?

Who could you talk to about this? Bigger question, who’d listen? Tentatively your eyes drift skyward.

Hello? Are you there, God?

Then your mind quickly assesses the immensity of your request. You want God to listen to you, right now. How ridiculous. There are six billion people on this planet. What if they’re all calling God at the same time?

You slump. Deeper into the dumps.

Then--something happens.

A little silly thing.

Someone you just thought about for the first time in years phones out of the blue--a silly little coincidence, so silly you shrug it off. Or a prayer you didn’t really expect to be answered--was! Immediately, your left brain repeats something you once heard: There’s a mathematical explanation for everything.

“But…” you say, “mayyyyybe…it’s not just coincidence or chance!”

Maybe God is communicating with you.

Yes directly to you!

You shake your head.

Naw. Couldn’t be.

But…what if God is communicating with you--in a nonverbal way--making a little miracle happen, right in front of you? After all, God doesn’t speak to people in a human voice. He’s God…He’d do something no one else could do, just to show you it’s Him!

If so, that would mean that He is listening! Right?

He has heard you!

What if through this odd little coincidence, or answered prayer, He’s sending you--you… out of all of those billions of people--a direct personal message of reassurance? To stop worrying? To keep the faith? That everything will be all right?

Every time you receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it’s a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you--what I call a godwink.

It’s similar to when you were a kid at the dining room table. You looked up and saw someone you loved looking back. Mom or Dad or Granddad. They gave you a little wink.

You had a nice feeling from that small silent communication.

What did it mean? Probably--“Hey kid…I’m thinking about you right this moment. I’m proud of you. Everything is going to be all right.”

That’s what a godwink is.

Every so-called coincidence or answered prayer is God’s way of giving you His small, silent, communication. A little wink saying, “Hey kid! I’m thinking of you…right now!”

It’s a clear message of reassurance-that not matter how uncertain your life seems at the moment, He will help move you toward certainty.

And it’s a sign that you’re never alone. In fact, you’re always on His GPS--a global positioning system I like to call God’s Positioning System…."

-------

I hope you all like it as much as I did. :)

Weight issues...

2006-10-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate it when someone comes up to you and says 'oh have you gained some weight?', especially when you've been working out so hard at the gym, and have been trying to eat properly, while they couldn't care less about moving an inch and sweating and indulge in eating whatever it is that they want?

I do!

Why do you ask?

I just hate how discouraging poeple can be. We live in a world where we look at those 'skinny' models as idols when it comes to figures. If you're a bit more full, then you'll be teased about it again and again. People tend to forget how hard you work out, how you're gradually replacing the fat with the 'good lean muscle mass'. How you're changing your lifestyle into adapting a more positive attitude. How you're adapting methods to combat the everyday stress that lead a lot of women into diverting to binging and eating to relieve their stress.

They want you to be as thin as a toothpick, yet when you do start exercising and eating properly, they call you crazy or silly when you go out for a meal and choose to have a salad instead of a steak. They tell you how dull you are when you say you'd rather not have ice cream but something light. They tell you, why on earth do you diet when you have a good figure? When the fact is, you're eating healthy, you're trying to eat right, and the only reason you maintain a good fitness level and a good shape is through all of this.

You go over to a relatives house, or a friends house, and they nag and nag about you not eating, and about you not trying their wide collection of sweets.

They don't appreciate the way you're transforming, they don't notice how healthy and how fit you are, but the moment you have a setback and you gain a bit of weight, just a bit, you hear the comments all around. Sheesh, appreciate what that person is trying to do. No one is perfect, you aim for progress and not perfection. We're humans after all, we have our downs and ups. The smart person is someone who will stand up again and continue..

Does anyone ever appreciate that?

Not that often I'm afraid....

I was watching a movie the other day called 'Phat Girls'. I liked it. It shows you exactly how people of the heavy size struggle around. It's not fun, and it's hard to live when you hate the way you look and feel and how those around you take every opportunity to mock you.

It used to bug me BIG TIME when someone who barely exercises or eats junk, would come up to me and say My Noors, you look like you've put on a bit of weight, look at your face! Now, I try and not let it get to me. After reading the body for life book, I'm aiming on progress. I'm not perfect and never will be. I have no weight issues, and I'm proud of my fitness level. I'm trying to eat as healthy as possible. But I'm only human. When I crave for something sweet, I'll have it. I'm a girl so hormones play a role. I exercise to feel good and healthy, looking good is just an added luxury, but it does pushes you forward because you end up liking the results, and you end up with a complete transformation, inside out.

Bikes..Eid? All in one post?!!

2006-10-23T05:03:00.000-07:00

I'm completey in love with those spinning bikes. The best time during my day would be during one of the cycling classes. I loved the music, the challenge, the sweating and the laughing.

I mean just look at the bike, doesn't it look addictive to you?

Ever since our classes stopped a month ago, working out hasn't been the same. I feel like something is missing, but hey I can't do much about it, and this doesn't mean that I'm going to stop working out.

I don't know why I'm crazy over those bikes. I just love em'. I loved the feeling I got after a tough class. Damn I would sometimes come back from uni and I'd be dead tired, hardly keeping my eyes open, and once I get on those bikes, I get a rush of adrenaline and I'm hyper all over again.

You could be silly, you can sing at the top of your lungs, heck the girls and I used to pick on each other just for the fun of it.

Just look at this bike and appreciate the beauty! LOL okay I'm going crazy...

But I'm seriously thinking of buying one and keeping it in my room. I've just got some money for my birthday and I can probably add on to them. Those bikes are a bit too expensive, but they live forever!

---

Right, let me take this opportunity since I'm finally updating, surprise surprise lol, to wish you all a very happy and blessed eid. I sent out a message to everyone on my phone list and I wished them a magical eid. One friend replied back wondering if she can wish for ANYTHING to come true since I said it was going to be magical. ha! Maybe the little fairies can help us there. :P

Here it is!

2006-10-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

Here it is!

Those who know me and have me on their msn list know this pic very well. Yup, it's my dp on msn too lol.

Hey I'm an execise freak I cant' help it!

Again, a big thank you goes out to 3anooda for showing me how to do this.

Tagged by 3anooda

2006-10-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

Woohooo! I'm so proud of myself haha!

Right, I had trouble saving my desktop pic for some reason, which I figured out after several trials.

Now, I've had a different pic for as long as I can remember, until one day, while going through Nabs's blog, I came across some pics that he uploaded for bloggers to use as desktop backgrounds, and I just fell in love with this one because of the pink colour! So thank you Nabs (if you ever get to read this, and I hope that you don't mind!).

ooo and thanks 3anooda for teaching me how to do this. Now I can add sooo many pics to my posts and it's going to be a lot of fun :D *Alright I need to calm down a bit lol)

Body for life!

2006-10-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a fitness best seller book called 'Body for life for women'. Dr Pamela Peeke, sat down with the author of the original book 'Body for life' by Bill Phillips, and they both agreed on making a version of this book for women. Why you ask? The reason is that a woman's body and physiology is different from men. They go through hormonal changes throughout their lives, and as a result, have more emotional and physiological demands.

The book isn't just another dieting book, or another fitness book, it's a complete lifestyle change that takes into consideration a woman's mental, health, physical and physiological well being. It helps women transform their lives, to take some time to take care of themselves, to help them get through the everyday life stresses that can have an impact on them. It teaches you how to love your body and how to take care of it. I'm very much enjoying the book. It teaches you how to absorb your problems and not let them get to you, and how to stop yourself from using the wrong route to deal with it, such as starving yourself, over eating to get over a problem you have, etc..

I was googling up some info about this auther. I was curious because she's a doctor, and from the book, I came to know that she has her own clinic where she helps women, no matter what hormonal milestone they're in. I was surprised to find that she got her bachelors in public health, went to med school, then continued and specialized in internal medicine, then further specialized in intensive care and trauma. She then got her post doctoral scholarship in nutrition and metabolism. She still works in a hospital, she's working in so many committees, she's a columnist in a number of magazines, anddd she has her own clinic where she helps women with their weight and fitness problems using a holistic approach.

I'm honestly impressed. She's a living example of what I'm aiming to be. I've always wanted to finish med school, specialize in emergency medicine or acute medicine, and continue working in a hospital but at the same time, to have my own clinic where I can help women to improve their lifestyles. To get them more into the proper eating and exercise, and supervise on it myself. A lot of people have laughed at me, asking me whether I'm a doctor or a fitness instructor. I've always said to those people, well I want to be both. I don't see it hard or impossible. It needs a lot of work, and a lot of dedication, but it can be done. There's nothing wrong with mixing the two fields together, on the contrary, you'll be able to reach out to a bigger number of people, because you'll be able to reach those with special needs, such as pregnant ladies, or those with arthritis.

I do believe that it is a CAN DO job!

Medical students, interns, and SHO's..

2006-09-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

You know what I don't understand? It's how easily docs forget that there was a day when they were med students too..

I've started my rotation in internal medicine last week (and if you want to know, it's really hard, very demanding, and absolutely stressful). Anyway, part of our rotation we have patients whom we are assigned too, that we need to follow up everyday. We're also required to be oncall until midnight every few days. You're given an oncall bleep and the oncall intern (which is the first year after graduation), and the oncall SHO are supposed to page the students whenever there's an acute case in the emergency room.

Now, is any of them being helpful? Nope, most of them anyway. It's funny how those interns forgot that only 3 months ago they were students worrying about passing their MD exams, and now they don't even bother to help us. You ask them for something silly, they tell you their busy, you ask them to page you if a new case shows up, they never bother. Same goes for the SHO's, they tell you they're too busy to remember to page you, and even when you are around, a lot don't bother to answer your questions, or to explain to you what they're doing. Like I said, not everyone is the same, you do find those who are eager to teach, who try to get you involved because they realize that in less than a year, those students are going to be interns, and so they need the proper practice.

One of my colleagues was presenting in the morning meeting a few days ago (which the consultants ask for, again because we are going to be interns soon), and my friend hears one of the inters say 'wow a 7th year is presenting ha, that should be something'. Very sarcastic, and I'm sorry but it's not like they've mastered the skills of presenting a case, and it's not like they all passed with flying colours, and even if they did, it does not give them the right to treat medical students the way they do.

Had to let it out, it's been really bugging me this whole week!

24 today!

2006-09-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

So it's Sept the 26th yet again...

I'm a year older. Do I feel like I've grown older? Nahhhhh, I'm still the crazy old me, lol, well according to my friends that is!

How am I celebrating? Don't know yet. I don't have anything planned. It's a bit after midnight and I just got back from my oncall an hour ago. I'm tired and all I want to do is sleeeeeeeeeeeep. As for tomorrow, I'm either staying home, just chillin', or maybe go work out in the new gym, since mine has closed down and the classes are on hold. Oooooo which reminds me, I DID go for the class yesterday just before Iftar, and I DID it! Wooohooo! I wasn't even tired and I did work hard. I was thirsty by the end of it, but not really dehydrated or dizzy, and I'm so glad I didn't listen to EVERYONE who tried to change my mind, I'm happy that I did because otherwise the 'what if's' would have never stopped! I couldn't have missed our last class. So I'm thinking, I always spend my birthday exercising, well the afternoon times anyway, so maybe I should go and work out in the new place, even though I don't really like it that much, but hey the 'gang' is gonna be there so it should be fun!

Happy birthday to me I guess! *Right, lets get the cake with the candles, I have a huge list of wishes to make, LOL*

Ramadan Kareem!

2006-09-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

Another year has gone by, and here is Ramadan again...

I can still remember the first day of Ramadan last year. I had my OSCE exam in psychiatry. It was also the day that I bought my punching bag (damn it's been a year already since I've had it?) anddd I remember having to work late and making it just in time for Iftar at my grandmother's house.

Tomorrow's the first day of Ramadan, and our last cycling class for a while. Don't know when we'll be able to start again, and it's killing me...So I've decided to be brave and take the class even though I'll be fasting (Unless I'm way too dehydrated by 5pm), I'm just going to take it easy, I just want to be there, I have to!

Right, I've decided to try some green tea today, hmm, I'm not a tea person, but I thought I could get used to the taste of green tea since it's healthy and is a very good anti oxidant. Just took a few sips and I'm not really liking it, I think I've made it a bit too concentrated that's why, lol.

Anyway, ignore the distractions, I've got like a million things going on inside my head at the moment. I just want to wish you all a very blessed month, filled with spiritual satisfaction and peace of mind..

And...

Ramadan Kareem!

Not me, Not I

2006-09-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

I just love the words of this song. They're full of emotions, real and overwhelming feelings of someone who had her heart broken.

Don't know why but I can't stop listening to the song. And everytime I do, it has this effect on me, like I'm listening to it for the very first time, like the singer actually conveys her true emotions to you that you can really feel what she's talking about.

Here goes!

Not me, not I, Delta Goodrem

"You mixed me up for someone
Who'd fall apart without you (yeah you)
Broke my heart for the first time
But I'll get over that too
It's hard to find the reasons
Who can see the rhyme?
I guess that we where seasons out of time
I guess you didn't know me
If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No not me, not I, not I, no not me, not
IThe story goes on without you
There's got to be another ending (yeah you)
Broke my heart it won't be the last time
But I'll get over them too
As the new door opens we close the ones behind
And if you search your soul I know you'll find
You never really knew me
If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No not me, not I, not I, not I, not I
(oh, I)
All you said to me
All you promised me
All the mystery never did believe
No I never cry no I never not me not I
If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised, that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No not I, I won't cry
No not me, not I, not I, not I
No not me, not I
Not I..........."

---

So? Whad ya'll think? Did it have any effect on you when you read those words? I must say that you should listen to the song, if you want to get the whole picture and really see what it is that I'm talking about!

Stressed out?

2006-09-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'm stressed out....

My end of rotation finals are on Wednesday and I can't really explain exactly how I feel about them, maybe it's because until now I'm not so sure myself...

It's very crucial that I do well. It's my final year. It's the year that decides my future. I don't want to just pass, I want to prove that I am worthy of my senior's respect, I want to make my family proud and mostly, I want to prove to myself that I'm capable of being a good doc.

I've been studying a lot those last few days. I've done so much reading and I've tried to keep my cool. But there are times when I just lose it and I start to stress over my exams. My heart would start to beat fast and I would have like a million thoughts running through my head. What if I fail? No I know I won't, but what if I perform poorly? Will I be blamed by my parents? Would that mean that I won't do well in my MD exams in June?

Most of the times I'm fine, and you would see me sitting and laughing with others and studying with no worries. I think that there are a few triggers that make my alarm go off. Like when I see some of my colleagues taking it far beyond rationality, it's freaky and it's sad to be honest. Why? Because they put themselves in stress and they just become different people, and they make you nervous too! Or a word that one of the older docs would tell you, or a word from your parents. And then of course there are the docs who expect you to know EVERYTHING....

Urgh, I have a few more months of this agony ahead of me. Exercise is helping me stay sane until now. It's the only thing that I have that makes me relax and calm down. Some have told me to stop and spend more time 'studying', but I just can't do that. I can't study more than I am right now, otherwise I'm seriously going to have a nervous break down!

Right, I'm glad I got that off my chest, now I can go back to being rational and continue studying..

Thanks for being such good listeners, it's good to let it out sometimes!

New challenges...

2006-09-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

It's the first day in September, my favorite month of the year! I couldn't let this day go without an update! If you're curious to know why, just check my post in Sept 2005.

My end of rotation finals are in two weeks, well 13 days to be more specific. I've got so much reading to finish, and I'm dreading the exams for many reasons. Everyone expects you to do well because it's the final year. So you are basically put under a lot of pressure from everyone around you, not to mention your nervous colleagues who are going insane and are probably gonna take you along with them. And finally how luck plays a role in these exams. The system isn't always fair, and a lot of times you fall as a victim of the unjust situations.

Nevertheless, I'm taking this year as a challenge. To give it my very best, and to tryyyyyyyy and not let those around me freak me out. A few days ago, I almost had a nervous break down, but in two days I calmed down and came back to my senses. I want to do well, and what'll make me satisfied is me knowing that I've given my studies my very best, and the rest is all in God's hands, at least I'll be able to sleep at night without feeling guilty for not giving it all that I have.

Now, I've got another challenge. We're taking the work out to a new level. In order to do better, you need to put yourself to the test. To push yourself a bit harder, to get to a higher fitness level. It's not joke, and it's no piece of cake. It requires a lot of work and dedication, and you need to take it very seriously.

So here I am, with two BIG challenges waiting for me. I have to give both my very best and give them both all that I got. I'll probably be stressed out, with this hectic lifestyle. But think of how good it would feel once you start to see some results. That's all I need to get a push to go further more.

p.s I start my oncalls in 3 weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to work late on my birthday :S

OMG! It's an update!

2006-08-22T08:59:00.002-07:00

It's been excatly a month since I've updated my blog. I can't believe it's been that long!

Things have been very hectic. I've started my final year, which requires a lot of work and dedication. Plus I'm trying to keep up with my regular gym classes along with the never ending social obligations.

EVERYONE is getting married this summer. I had 5 wedding parties to attend in 1 week. That was crazyyyyyy. Come home late from work, work out at the gym, go to wedding, then come home and stay up until 2 in the morning studying, wake up at 6 the next day and the same cycle continues..I'm glad that's over. Well, almost anyway, two more to go, but at least they're spaced out!

I don't understand why everyone gets married at the same time. Why not space out during the whole year. It's always the summer, mostly August, and January that is busy with weddings. January makes sense, because the weather is nice and you can always have something outside.

Right...

Enough about weddings...

I'm going out to celebrate my sister's birthday. And I'd like to welcome a new addition to our family, my 'lil' baby cousin who was born yesterday. He is ADORABLE!

----

p.s this is NOT a proper update. It's just to tell everyone that I'm still alive and that I haven't really vanished completely from the blogging world. I intend to write a proper and interesting update for you all to read.

2006-07-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Right...

I should stop watching that many romantic comedies, some of em' make me very emotional!

But I can't help it. I'm a sucker for a good fairy-tale! lol

A peaceful demonstration

2006-07-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

A peaceful demonstration has taken place this afternoon at 5 pm in front of the Lebanese embassy to show solidarity to what is going on in Lebanon these days.

Since my whole family has taken off this morning to Dubai, I had to go with my aunt, and my mom and dad made sure I took the poster that we have at home of Sayed Nasserallah with me.

I think there were about 100-150 people there, and I recognized a lot of the faces, but it would have been nice if more people had shown up and if the people were allowed to walk a bit further from the embassy. Nevertheless, it was a good sight, seeing all those people, standing together, showing their support for Lebanon and Hizbollah, screaming at the top of their lungs for the freedom of Lebanon and for God to protect Sayed Nasserallah.

I took a lot of pictures and videos with my phone (as usual I forgot my camera, absent minded, what can I say!). I even called my sister and teased her about not being there, she made me put her on speaker so that she could hear what was going on.

Anyway I'm glad I was there.

The war against Lebanon..

2006-07-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all been hearing of what's going on in Lebanon in the news. It's an open war between Israel and Lebanon. The Israelis, being the cowards that they are, depend on hitting Lebanon from outside the borders, they're too scared to go inside and come in contact with Hizbellah, despite the fact that Hizbellah asked for a confrontation at the borders, to keep this away from the people, and to avoid more damage. They've been targeting the civilians, and the countries main areas. Hizbellah has been doing an amazing job defending their country and their right for a free life, refusing to live under the mercy of the Israelis. Said Hassan Nasserallah is a true hero, a legend if I may add. You'll never see such loyalty to any leader. The people love him, the people respect him and respect what he's trying to do, and at any given moment, they are all ready to sacrifice their lives for the sake of their cause. Said Nasserallah is the only one who decided that he and his country will fight.

I hold high regards for them, and I salute them and I truly wish that there's something we could do to show our support. After all, it's for a great cause, and we as Arabs, should be the first to support.

Bad day?

2006-07-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

It's the name of this song that I've been absolutely in love with since yesterday. I don't know why, but for some reason, every time I listen to it, it just puts a big smile on my face. It talks about a bad day, so what on earth could be happy about it? Maybe I can relate to it somehow?

"You're faking a smile with the coffee to go"
"You're falling to pieces every time"

Two months ago, that would've somehow described me, from the inside that is. When I go back and read my posts from that time, I realize how hard I was working on staying happy (I was stubborn, I wouldn't let anything take the sense of happiness away from me, whether it's work, uni, exams or just people around me).

And now you ask?

I'm in the best mental shape ever!

I spoke to my school English teacher just before I left the UK (I called her once I got there and promised to call before coming back to Muscat, we've always been good friends), anyway, she told me she could sense the positivity in my voice, that I, without a doubt, sounded like I was much more self confident and most importantly, just relaxed and happy. And I am! I honestly am. I can't wait to start my rotations, I'm still not looking forward to going back to squ, but I promised myself I'd work real hard, and keep in mind why I'm doing this.

Okay this post is just for me. I start my final year in two weeks, and I'm sure that at one stage the stress is going to get to me, so I want to come back, read this, and remember what it felt like to be this relaxed and calm. :)

Stay happy people, life is short!

And the winner is...

2006-07-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

The World Cup has come to an end.

Italy is the winner, as you all know by now, and I'm sure most of you, if not all of you have watched the game.

I wasn't really with any of the teams, but as I've always had a lot of respect for Zidane, I wanted him to play a great game because it's his last game in the world cup. I wanted it to be a great end to a great player.

Unfortunatelly, what happened was definitly unexpected!

In the last two minutes of the extra halves, he gets harrassed by the Italian player and he hits him, with his HEAD! Now that came out of no where! The red colour was flashed straight away. It just broke my heart seeing this amazing player, leave the game, with tears in his eyes. He must have been provoked real badly for him to react in such a way.

It broke my heart that he had to leave the field and miss on the closing ceremony.

I don't know, it just ruined the whole thing not having him there. It just wasn't the same. How can you be happy when you know that a great player was embarrassed in front of billions on his very last game?

Oh well. A congrats goes out to Italy I guess, and to everyone who cheered Italy.

p.s, I bet ALL men who were watching the game had their eyes tightly glued to the screen when Shakira performed right before the final game, lol.

Movies, movies and more movies..

2006-07-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

A couple of movies that I watched since I got back home (still jetlagged so I'm having trouble sleeping at night, though it should be over by now).

Anywayyyy, here goes...

The pink panther

I wasn't very excited to go watch the movie when it was out here in Muscat so I never made any effort to go watch it, and the only reason I rented it to be honest was because nothing else caught my attention.

For some reason I liked it. It was silly, well not all of it, but some scenes were just really really silly, but it was a good watch. I enjoyed it and I even laughed a few times, even those silly scenes made me laugh. Oh and I didn't fall asleep while watching it (I usually do when I watch a movie late at night).

Speaking of the pinkpanther, I've always loved the cartoon. I think it was one of my favourites as a kid.

Something new

A romantic story that was very touching. A white man and a black woman fall in love. The woman is rather uptight because of the way she was brought up, very serious, burries herself in work, and at the same time, she couldn't fill the void she felt from not having someone in her life.

She meets Brian, as a blind date, and excuses herself. She couldn't allow herself to be seen with a white dude, what would the society say about her? What would her parents say when they find out? Sounds familiar? Yup!

Anyway he ends up working as her landscaper, and the story continues from there.

I saw the trailer ages ago, and I only got it by chance today, but I'm glad I did. Yeah, yeah, go ahead, I know I'm all mushy lol.

---

Now being back here, there are so many obligations you need to take care of (mostly social). Some make me feel uncomfortable, but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.

Update from Muscat

2006-07-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

Back in Muscat. Am I happy to be back? Well, I'm happy to be among my family again, it was nice to sit around with the kids and listen to their stories, but at the same time, I miss Cardiff, I want that sense of independence that I felt working there, now that's a separate topic anyway.

Some football talk…

I finally decided to sit and watch some football since I had access to a tv in London (finally!). Brazil vs. France, and of course I was backing up Brazil 100%, always have and always will, despite the fact that they lost and are now officially out of the World Cup. Their performance was sadly below average, the bright players did not show us any magic out there in the field, and their attacks were very poor. The French on the other hand were very impressive. Zeedan played remarkably. His tactics were very smooth and he was actually ruling the field, along with this other dude whom I can't remember his name, lol. Now I'm not a fan of Zeedan, I don't really mind him, but the truth has to be said and he earned a great deal of respect after the way he performed in this game.

Now, as I was watching the game a few things came to my mind.

~ The way the players hit the ball with their heads, my God, if it was me, I would've probably ended up with a terrible headache for weeks, or maybe it would've probably knocked me out completely!

~ The way those poor players get hit in the leg or fall or slide through the grass, ouch! I bet they always end up with a lot of scratches, bruises, and cuts here and there after each game.

~ It's funny how a lot of girls are all crazy about the World Cup and make sure that they watch all the matches, not for the sake of watching some good football, but to watch the 'cute' players whom they have a crush on. What's even funnier is that they would be supporting a team just for the sake of a 'cute' player! So I know a few who were all the way with England, why? Because Beckam was playing!

On the same day, England was playing against Portugal and we were on the bus on our way back home, and this lady comes in with her kids, and walks and couldn't stop talking about how eager she was to know the scores, so she goes like, anyone got a mobile phone? Then tries to explain it to us with her hands, like we didn't know what a mobile is, EVERYONE ignored her, she was extremely rude, funny thing is, a few of us were sitting there with mobile phones that actually had radios, but non bothered to give it to us, including two kids who were Muslims living apparently in London

Now, the Italy vs. Germany match just ended. Italy won amazingly in the last minute, with TWO goals, now that wasn't predicted at alllllll! The Germans were crushed, and I guess the second goal came in because they probably lost their spirit when the Italians scored, and so it was easy for them to go ahead and score again.

Right, I should be resting after a long journey back home, and not updating my blog.

Enjoy the football people!

Not a very 'happy' post I'm afraid...

2006-06-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

Today was my last day in the hospital, I've been saying my goodbyes all day. I still have a few left, the friends I made in the hospital, those I left for Friday, as I have to go back to finish some paper work, those will be the hardest and most overwhelming. I've had this feeling of chest tightness since yesterday. The idea of going back to SQU isn't very pleasant. It was so easy for me to fit in here and be part of the team, which is something that I sometimes, not always, lack in SQU. I've been feeling well, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I had two hours today with nothing to do because the procedures were postponed for an hour, and so I was sitting alone, writing down in my little book. I felt like my chest was getting tighter, for some reason, I felt really lonely at that moment (well I've been feeling it for a couple of days now), I was just craving for some kind of attention. Do you know when you feel like you want to just sit back and take things easy because there's someone, anyone there to share some of the burden with you, be it a friend, a relative, anyone close to you. I looked around but found no one..

Urgh, not a very chirpy post I must say, but I've been feeling a bit blue for the past couple of days. I should be happy that I'm going back home damn it! I am, I swear I am, I can't wait to hug my parents and kiss the little ones, drive my 'lil' bug and go back to my gym and my friends, but at the same time, I feel like I'm not ready yet to leave behind a work environment where I actually was able to fit in!

Right, I'm gonna go finish packing...

Time goes by so quickly!

2006-06-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

So my count down has begun. I have 11 days before I go back home, and to be more specific, by next Friday, I will be on my way to London to spend four days there before leaving the UK.

Surprisingly, the time has passed by quickly, and as much as I miss home and my family and friends, as much as I'm going to miss working in the hospital here.

I was able to fit in rather quickly. I have many docs to thank for that, and I made sure that I show them my gratitude. Today as I was leaving the hospital, I thought I'd stop by Boots and get something to drink, and I saw a registrar who was the very first doc I talked to when I started. He saw me sitting in the Medical Assessment Unit and gave me comapany until I got a call from the consultant who was in charge of me. I told him that I have a week left, and he wished me all the best. It hit me then that I'm actually 'leaving', for good! The feeling wasn't pleasent. I've had this feeling for some time now. I came to know a lot of the docs around here. This morning I also bumped into my previous consultant, and I realized how much I missed working in the Acute Medicine Unit.

I've learnt a lot during those two months, I'm more confident now in my skills and knowledge. I was appreciated as a junior, and I was given a lot of support from the docs around me, from juniors to seniors. They were all ready to listen, answer my questions, and give me responsibility. I was able to prove myself, and in no time I got to know the system, I started to clerk patients on my own, and write down their notes, present to the seniors, get their bloods, send their forms, and check them later and put it all down in the file and show it to a senior. I gave my work my best, I put all my energy into it, and I gave it my 100% attention and priority. I didn't mind the work, I loved it to be honest. I have enough courage now to ask questions, and discuss management issues with the docs. My clinical skills and knowledge have improved a lot. The respect that I got from both docs and patients helped a lot, they respect you as someone who's qualifying, and they're always willing to answer your questions and be examined by you (the patients that is), and if you fail to get blood out of them, they don't scream in your face, they know you're learning so they don't mind.

I don't mind staying here to be honest. I do miss my life back home, but work-wise, I'm happy here. I've learnt a lot. I'm more relaxed and calm. There's no pressure from other students, no stupid competition, where everyone only cares about themselves, no students worrying over exams and making you nervous too. Everyone minds their own business, and no one interfers with your privacy. They treat you as someone who deserves to be respected and appreciated. I'm seriously thinking of leaving once I finish my internship and come back here for work experience.

Alright a long post. Home sweet home, I'll be back shortly, I need to finish my goodbyes next week, and give my work my best, even though I already got my evaluation forms done. I need to finish buying gifts (I suck when it comes to shopping lol!).

Marathon updates!

2006-06-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

Alright, the pics from the marathon are in 'The Week's' new edition, if anyone is interested to have a look!

The girls look so happy in the pics, I wish I was there! Oh and the place is all blue now, they were gonna start painting the week I left, lol, it looks different!

And apparently, according to what I've been told, they've been able to put together a really good sum of money. It's good to see how quickly people responded to the call, and many companies rushed to sponsor them.

http://www.freetheweek.com/171/171.01-48HI.pdf

Page 29 :)

Women and chocolate!

2006-06-11T04:06:00.000-07:00

It seems like women all over the world are exactly the same when it comes to chocolates! They say 'diamonds are a girls best friend', well I'm starting to think maybe chocolate is an even closer friend than diamonds! lol

There's nothing like chocolates or chocolate ice cream to make a woman feel better, in regards of anything that she might be going through. She always turns to chocolates to make herself feel better..

Women crave for chocolates more than men, they enjoy the delightful taste of it melting in their mouths lol.

This Friday was my last day in MAU, or the acute medicine unit, so I thought I'd buy some chocolates and put the box in the nurses station for everyone to take some. Who do you think went crazy over them? It wasn't the guys, but the ladies, from nurses, to students to docs, lol. I found it amusing, how indifferent the guys were for having chocolates in the ward, compared to the women. I guess it's something in our X chromosome, how else can you explain it?

Heart broken

2006-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yes I am, big time...

I've always accepted the fact that I'm not very lucky when it comes to getting something that I really wanted. For some reason, the more I want something, the more difficult it is for me to get it, it's like somehow it gets all jinxed.

As hard as it is to not get anything you want, everytime I would tell myself that there's a reason behind it that I'm not aware of, and I believe in that. I believe that God has a reason behind everything that happens. Sometimes though it gets to me, the disappointment that is.

For over a year now, I had it set in my mind that I wanted to train and become a certified group fitness instructor. I bought the book, and I was hoping that an exam would be set in Dubai, but it wasn't, not this year anyway. Then I found out that it was going to be held in London, during the time that I'll be in the UK for my elective, well I got my dates mixed up and missed the deadline, again even though it was a big hit on my face, I just let it go.

Now a while ago, I found out that there's a Schwinn Cycling Course that was supposed to be held between June 10th and 11th in London, so I got all hyped up. I called my dad and got the green light from him, and I called the course coordinator, only to be told that it was already fully booked. She told me, however, to call in a week because some people end up cancelling and so there might be a space for me. A week later I call her, and guess what! There was a spot for me. I was starting to have my doubts about whether or not I should go ahead with it, but I told myself, I've always wanted this, I won't get this chance again, and I got my parents approval! So I got called the coordinator, and told her I was in. This morning, I had some problems getting train tickets (they were all very expensive) but eventually I did, and then I paid for my course, I was so happy and I thought to myself, tonight, I'm gonna be in London, at my grandparents place, be comfy on the sofa and watch tv the whole night, then enjoy two days of nothing but cycling. Like they say 'ya far7a ma tamat', only 10 minutes later I get a call from my sister telling me that my mom just called and told her that the house was actually under renovation. There were workers inside, the house was a mess, there were no windows, anddddd the door might have been changed, so our keys won't work. I felt like someone just hit me real hard on the head. The coordinator told me to not cancel right away, to try and sort it out. I tried for several hours with no luck, and I just cancelled my spot in the course....

I'm seriously heart broken. I thought to myself, finally, I'm getting something I've always wanted, something outside medicine, something to add on to my life, no matter how crazy people thought I were, I wanted it so badly that I was okay with having much less money left for shopping here to just take this course. Now it's gone. Yet again, I lost a chance to have something in my empty life, something besides medicine....

Oh well...

Adam's fitness centre...

2006-06-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

I found two articles about the marathon that took place in my gym on Wed and Thurs. I couldn't find any articles talkinga about how the marathon itself went, I guess something might be there in the next edition of 'The Week'.

I'm so proud of those girls! I so wanted to be there with them during these times, I would've tried to finish the 3-4 hours of cycling, now that would've been a great challange!

Times of Oman - Local News
(Tuesday, May 30, 2006)
Two-day cycling marathon for a cause
By A Staff Reporter MUSCAT — A well-known fitness centre is organising a cycling marathon to raise funds for NACA (National Association for Cancer Awareness), which was officially launched recently.
Adams Fitness Centre, Madinat Al Sultan Qaboos, will be organising a sponsored indoor cycling marathon to raise funds for a much-needed service: a mobile cancer screening unit for NACA.
The NACA has been trying to raise funds to purchase this unit in order to reach the maximum number of people countrywide in an effort to detect early stages of cancer. The two-day event, this Wednesday (8am-12pm for ladies only) and Thursday (8am-12pm, ladies only and 12pm to 4pm — mixed), will be held at the Adams’ Studio.
“Each and everyone of us is affected by cancer in one way or another — if we don’t have someone close to us, we know of someone affected. “So what can we do to help?” Mary O’Connor, events coordinator, has said.
“Many people are taking part to raise money for this very worthy cause through personal sponsorship and Adams is privileged to host the event and be involved with NACA,” she added, noting that it would no doubt be a challenge to all involved.
“So, any support would boost morale enormously and you never know, it might just enthuse people to become more involved with their own fitness,” O’Connor said.

-----

Indoor Cycling Marathon to raise funds for NACA
MUSCAT — Adam’s Fitness Centre has found a novel way to raise money for a good cause — the National Association for Cancer Awareness (NACA), by holding the Sultanate’s first two-day ‘Indoor Cycling Marathon’ at its centre in Al-Madina Plaza, Madinat Al Sultan Qaboos, today from 8 am - 12 pm (women only) and tomorrow from 8 am - 12 pm (women only) and 12 am - 4 pm (mixed).Around 120 participants are scheduled to take part, each being sponsored for various amounts for every hour of cycling that they complete. Seasoned fitness enthusiasts are to cycle for up to four hours at a time, those with less fitness expertise will be cycling for one and two-hour stints. A total of 25 stationary exercise bikes are available at Adam’s Fitness Centre’s indoor workout studio, which will be put to good use for the marathon.The event came about when the question, “So what can we do to help?” was raised in response to a way of helping out cancer sufferers. It was noted that nearly everyone is affected by cancer in one way or the other — “if we don’t have it, someone else close to us, or someone we know of, does.”As a way of helping out NACA in its earnest attempt of raising enough funds for the purchase of a ‘mobile screening unit’, which will go a long way in its mission of promoting cancer awareness throughout the Sultanate, Mary O’Connor, Aerobic and Gym Instructor, Personal Tutor, Adam’s Fitness Centre, who is also coordinating the event, told the Observer yesterday, “For people recuperating from cancer its good to come back into fitness, to start rebuilding immunity, get stronger and in helping them to feel better about themselves, within themselves. It helps to cope with the strains and stresses of everyday life.”O’Connor pointed out that among the people coming to train and workout at the fitness centre is Yutha bint Mohammed al Rawahi, President of NACA — who herself is recuperating after warding off cancer, and, as noted by O’Connor, is a very strong person. She said, when people start looking good they start to feel good about themselves and, especially in the case of people recuperating from illnesses such as cancer, it allows them to cope with life generally and relieves boredom and lethargy. “It’s good to be part of the fitness society, they’re a great bunch of people and everyone gets on very well,” noted O’Connor. Classes take place on a daily basis and it’s easy to come in for an hour or so to workout and shapeup, she added. There are women only classes and mixed classes to suit individual preferences. Routine exercises at the centre’s fitness studio include cycling — a very good non-impact cardio-workout, weight training, ab-attack and tone — that exercises the core stomach and back muscles and circuit training. O’Connor is set to compete a total of seven hours of sponsored cycling; three hours in today’s event and a further four hours tomorrow.

Season finales!

2006-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

Season finales, damn this year the final episodes of this season were great, well the shows I watch anyways.

Lets go through them one by one,

*Gilmore Girls: Well if you've been watching the episodes, you would know that Lorelai and Luke were engaged to be married, but the wedding got postponed because Luke found out that he had a daughter and started giving her all the attention and shutting his fiance from this new big event in his life, putting everything on pause when it came to their relationship. Lorelai just reaches a point where she can't take it anymore. She's finally ready to settle down with a man that she truly loved, yet she couldn't afford wasting more time waiting for him to decide when he would put more effort into their relationshop, and she confronts him, she asks him to elope, but he says he wants to wait, and that was that. What does Lorelai do? She goes to the father of her daughter, and we see her waking up the next day in his bed!

As for her daughter Rory, well her man had to leave to London a day after his graduation. You can see that they both cared about each other, and it broke my heart when she starts to cry on the morning he leaves to London. I guess the daughter had a more stable relationship than the mom!

*Desperate Housewives: omgggggggggg! The season finale was one of the best episodes ever! You finally get to hear the whole and true story of Melony Foster, the girl who was killed by the Applewhites son with a low IQ, that's what we all knew throughout the whole season, but during this episode we get to hear the true story, and Oh boy do things get hot from there!

Each one of the ladies has a unique situation going on. Gabrielle finds out that her husband is sleeping with her maid. Bree runs away from the mental instituion to try and save her daughter. Lynette finds out that her husband wasn't cheating on her, but had actually just found out that he has a daughter whom he never knew about. Zach kills his grandfather by switching off his ventilator then abandons his father who was in jail, accused for murdering Felecia. Susan finds out that Mike was planning on proposing and on the night that he was supposed to pop the question, she sits waiting for him, while the poor guy gets run over by the dentist who was Susan's friend, something fishy about this guy!

Now that episode was definitly a breath taking one. Actually the last few episodes of this season were really really good. Much better than the first few episodes.

*ER: Another breath-taking season finale. Sam's ex boyfriend who was in jail is brought in again for fighting with another man in jail. Neela tries to avoid going to her husband's funeral, but Pratt convinces her, damn she broke my heart how she kept crying and saying that if she did go, it would mean that she's saying goodbye, and she wasn't ready to do that just yet.

Clemente's chaos in the previous episode causes some problems for both Kerry and Luka.

What happens is that Sam's ex boyfrind and the other man had a plan to escape from prison. And we see how they start a fight with Luka and one of the girls who was helping them run away, gives him a shot of a drug that causes muscle paralysis. Sam tries hard to intubate him, and as she drags those men out of the hospital, she tries to somehow send hidden msgs to the others, and finally it ends up with gun firing. Jerry gets shot, and Abby falls real hard. They try and help Jerry but he seems to be worsening, and Abby goes out to look for something but ends up bleeding and passing out too (I really hope she doesn't lose the baby!). Sam had to go with her ex because she finds that he has taken her son with him.

A lot of questions are in my head. Is Jerry going to die? I don't want him too, he's so funny! Is Abby going to lose the baby? Is Ray going to be able to make things better with Neela?

I can't wait for the new season to begine! September is too far away!

Let me graduate!

2006-05-29T14:55:00.000-07:00

When you choose a career where you're supposed to study for 7 long years just to be qualified as a junior physician, you would probably reach to a point where you get saturated of being a student.

I know I've reached that stage lol.

Here in the UK, you get qualified in 5 years, my God that's TWO bloody years less than us! You can clearly see everyone's eyes open wide and their jaws drop open when I tell them that it's a 7 years course in my country.

The SHO's I work with are 25 and I'm 23 and still a student. By the time I'm 25 I would be just starting my specialization, lol.

It's just that, I've reached a point where I'm tired of being a student, of being a burden. I want to work and have my own patients. Make decisions when it comes to their management. True, I do see patients on my own, and discuss with the docs which investigations we should choose, but after that, it's out of my hand. It would no longer be 'my call'. The management part is something you gain with experience. When you're thrown into a situation and need to make a choice, of course you need to run it by your seniors, but you get the hang of it. I want to do that! I want to start my final year, sit for my exams and get my MD degree and start working.

I know I'm going to miss life as a student, because you don't have much responsibilites. Once you're qualified, you're swamped with loads of work, especially as a junior. But for some reason, I want that. I wanna get on with it and be of some kind of a use. I want to get on with my life, lol, I've been a student for far too long! I feel like I'm ready for the next phase in my life.

2006-05-29T03:12:00.000-07:00

There's a big event that is going to take place in Adam's fitness centre on this Wed and Thurs. For those of you who are into marathons for the sake of charity, then this is the event you should be participating in this weekend. The marathon is basically going to be a race on the bikes between different teams, if I've understood them properly.

The idea has been there for a while now, but it was just an idea, nothing serious was done until a few days ago.

Anyway, this charity event is for the sake of cancer association. A lot of companies are sponsoring this event, and there will be a good deal of media coverage.

All in all, this event is gonna be a big hit, and I'm gonna miss it. I was msging my trainer yesterday and we were talking about this, lol, and she goes, 'So when are you booking to come back?' lol, I know she was teasing me, but heck, if I could go back to Oman for the weekend, just to attend this marathon, I would! Honestly, I'd do it without even thinking about it twice. Anyone want to sponsor me and buy me a ticket? hehe

----

On a lighter note, I, ladies and gentlmen, made my very first meal yesterday. My sister just gave me the stuff and told me to mix and do whatever I wanted. So I was left with a lot of stuff, and a puzzled look on my face lol. I think it took me about an hour to finish with what was supposed to come out as macaroni, hehe. It turned out okay I guess. It wasn't too bad, something you'd eat anyway, well it just needed a little more salt, but i guess it wasn't a complete failure for a first timer. I wish I could attach a picture here to show you all lol.

Will I try again? Hmm, don't know lol

2006-05-26T12:08:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I started to become more aware of ever since I started my training here in Cardiff, is how unpleasent it is to go through an illness with no one there by your side. Throughout those three weeks, I've come across quite a few patients who are demented, i.e. elderly patients who start to lose their cognitive function gradually, which can manifest in different forms one of which is loss of memory. A lot of them come to the hospital from their care houses, with infections or so, and you see them there in the hospital, helpless, with barely any cognitive brain functioning, and some of them get to you, especially those who are in a lot of pain, and with no one around to be by their side. Of course you have others who do have supportive families, and you see the look of concern in their children's eyes. It's starting to get to me. I would look at one of the patients and my heart just aches, and I get scared all of a sudden, I never want to end up in a hospital bed all alone.

The idea of lonliness is starting to scare me. It never did before...

There are times when you work in a hospital, where the tragic or heart breaking stories of some of the patients do get to you. No matter how hard you try not to get attached, there are times when it somehow affects you, and the best feeling is when you know that you've helped them somehow, even in the slightest way, but you still have done at least something for them. Other times, it's just frustrating, when you see yourself helpless in front of a disease, and you know that there isn't much that you can really do.

*I need a hug*

2006-05-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Okay it's finally getting to me....

I'm having withdrawal symptoms from lack of exercise! The walking helps, because I walk for about an hour everyday as it's half an hour to and from the hospital, but for someone who's addicted to exercise, it's not enough, especially that I'm used to a high impact, strenous exercise on a daily basis.

I'm still not homesick or anything, I talk to my parents every other day, and I update them about my work and training.

I just miss the gym, I miss working out, I miss sweating like crazy till my shirt is soaking wet, I miss the bikes and the weights, I miss that amazing feeling I get during and after the exercise! The laughing, the craziness, the pain in my legs or arms when we get to the peak of our workout.

I've been trying to find a gym here with ladies timings only. Now that hasn't been easy at all. I finally found this place that has ladies timings in the evening once a week only, I guess it's better than nothing. A few places do have ladies timings twice a week but that's during the morning when I'm at the hospital, urgh!

I just have so much energy and I can't let it all out. I mean standing in the hospital all day long and walking isn't enough for someone like me.......

lol I need to figure something out before I go mad!

One of my 'so many' thoughts...

2006-05-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

"Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were"

I believe in that, we all do, it's just one of life's well known facts that we can do nothing with but to accept it and keep living.

I find it easier in many times to never really 'want' something, because it's there in the back of my head that I will probably end up not getting it, so why keep my hopes up in the first place? You might think of it as a negative way of thinking, but it's not. I'm very positive. True, there are times when it just gets to me when I've wanted something so badly and I can't have it, and all I could think of is why, but to make it easier I tell myself that it wasn't meant to be, because it wasn't good enough for me, and that God has something greater in store for me, I just have to have faith in that.

I find it very comforting to live your life in content. Don't expect a lot from life, just cherish what you have. I'm teaching myself not to want anything, except probably career-wise, because that's one thing that I know I have complete control over. It's my hard work that would get me somehwere and help me put a smile on someone's face.

It helps you to live peacefully. Accepting what you have and being thankful to God. Not dwelling on what you don't have, but rather concentrate on the so many blessings that you already have right in front of you..

I'm thankful!

2006-05-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

I've finished my first week in my emergency medicine rotation today. I've worked very hard this past week, and in a matter of a few days, I got to know a lot of the docs and learn a lot.

I must admit that I felt like a complete idiot and out of place on my first day, lol, and all I could think of, I want to go homeeee, but by the second day, the docs started to give me more attention, and I started to gradually fit in.

I'm really having a good time. I'm so busy all day long, and for the first time in quite a while, I'm giving medicine and my work my full attention, with no distractions whatsoever. I remember now why I wanted medicine, and how good I felt when I took care of patients and helped in any possible way. I now realize that medicine is my world, it takes up all of my time, and I don't mind it at all.

I'm still not home sick. I do miss my family, the little kids, my car and of course the gym, but at the same time, I'm really having a good time here with the weather, the new life style, the busy and hectic work. And also, it's so easy for me to fall asleep now, haha, back home, I've always always always had trouble sleeping. Here, I just collapse in bed by 11 and I'm instantly asleep, damn it feels sooo good lol *touch wood*

It's interesting how similar the hospital system is very similar between back home and here. There isn't much difference, and I must admit that our level isn't any less better than here. Probably the administrative system still needs a bit of work, especially in the emergency room settings, but treatment wise, I'm proud to say that our level is very good. Of course a lot of the cases here are a bit different. What's more common here isn't very common in Muscat, so I'm learning more about what are the most common problems that would be part of your differential diagnosis, as in, what diseases you'd first think of, depending on what is more common.

Right, it's a Friday night, and I'm home lol. Too tired to do anything..

In Cardiff

2006-05-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I've been here in Cardiff since yesterday.

I'm usually the kind of person who doesn't like change, I like knowing my way around, and being in control, and most importantly, I usually get home sick even before leaving!

Until today, I'm not the least bit home-sick, which really surprises me lol. I'm not missing anything yet. I'm looking forward to going to the hopsital on Monday and starting my rotations, I'm planning on proving myself over here, show them that I'm good enough to be called a doc (in a year that is).

I really needed a break from Oman, to leave everything and go out and do something different and exciting. Get my mind off things. I have many goals that I'm aiming to achieve by the end of those two months. I want to come back as a stronger person, who wouldn't let things get to her, who's in complete control, who still cares a lot about those who deserve it, but at the same time, learn to accept the fact that sometimes I should let myself come first, I should do things for 'me' for a change. I want to focus on my studies, and prepare myself for my final year, read a lot and gain as many skills and experience as I can over here. I've always aimed on being a damn good doctor, I won't let anything come in the way and distract me next year, I have to give medicine my full attention.

As for the Group Fitness Training exam, I missed it, for several reasons. I've been looking around today for the ladies only gym that I found online, but no luck so far, but I'm not giving up hope yet.

Right, hear this, who, just tell me who forgets a 25kg suitcase on a bus? LOL! ME! I leave Heathrow, and I was lucky because my flight was a bit early so I was able to get the early bus to Cardiff, and by the time I got there, I was sooooooo tired that I just got off the bus and walked, only for a minute though, and by the time I realized I didn't have my bag with me the bus was gone. Hehe, my cousin came to pick me up and when I told her what happened she just didn't know what to say. My sister thought I was crazy, I mean true, who on earth forgets a bag? A small one, maybe, but not your suitcase lol. So anyway they tell us the same bus comes back later and lucky for me, I did get my bag...

That would be an interesting story to put in my presentation which I'm supposed to give once I'm back about my elective program lol.

Life

2006-04-25T02:18:00.000-07:00

"Life is unfair, get used to it"..

Many times in life, we're thrown into situations where we need to make the harder decisions and go with the choices that might not seem very fair to you at that moment, but you know it's the right thing to do.

It's ironic how life is. The bittersweet taste feeling keeps us all in a constant battle with ourselves.

We all underestimate our strengths in handling situations until we're put into them, after which we begin to realize just how strong we actually are in standing up after falling real hard. We begin a new chapter, eventhough deep inside we hate the change, we wish things would go back to how they were, but gradually I guess, the bitterness fades away, not completley though, some of it will always remain inside of you, to remind you of the past, but you move on and experience new things.

Yes, we humanbeings have an enormous capacity for adaptation with any situation we put into. It's part of who we are, we don't plan to adapt, it just happens spontaneously, and no matter how long it takes for that to happen, it will eventually..

Trust

2006-04-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

Trust....

Such a deeply meaningful word, which a lot of us these days take for granted, it has become a word that is so easily said, even when it's not entirely or truly meant.

"From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Trust in sociology and psychology refers to an open, positive relationship between people, or between people and social institutions such as a corporation or government. More specifically, trust is the belief by one person that another's motivations towards them are benevolent and honest."

So according to the above defintion of the word 'trust', you clearly see that when you use it, you're supposed to mean it, sincerely...

It's so easy to say the words 'trust me', the hard part is to keep your promise and stick by what you say, and put it into action. When you fail to do that, you have failed that person and have truly disappointed them..

Why say it, if you don't really mean it?

One of the things I respect most about some people is that they are a living example of sticking to their words, you can trust them no matter what, and you know that whenver you need them, they will be there for you. The question is, when do you know that you can trust someone? And how much should we trust others? Completely? Should we keep it in our minds that this trust might be broken one day?

----

On a lighter note, away from all the philosophy, I'm enjoying a delicious home made hot chocolate. mmmm!

The past!

2006-04-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

A lot of times, we go back in our minds to the past, and relive some of the memories of special days. You go back to times which you truly miss and wish you could have it back somehow, even though it might have been stressful and probably got to you at one or two occasions, but in general, it made you feel so right in place and had given you the sense of belonging somewhere, that you didn't really mind having to put a lot of effort into it.Why do we hang on to the past?

Why is it hard to let go of some of the good days in your life? Is it because we miss it terribly? Is it because you feel out of place, lost and probably empty? When you sit with yourself and remember something, you just wish so hard that you could go back to those days, even if it was for a few minutes, but to just go back to that one event that gave you that special feeling which you no longer have..

Again, why can't we just concentrate on today and the future, and let the past be just that, 'past'!

2006-04-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

It's after 6 in the morning, I haven't slept at all, and I'm still wide awake.

I have a final exam in two hours, I finished revising at around 4 so I could've had at least 2 hours of good sleep, but I was wide awake, damn it!

Haven't been able to eat at all because of the pain, I have to go see a dentist today, haha, I have a phobia from dentists, they scare the hell out of me, probably because I was traumatized as a child with my repeated visits to the dentists and having my tooth removed each time, plus I have a sore throat, AGAIN. If I end up with a flu ( I just had it two weeks ago), my mom will throw me out of the house lol.

Good news, I found a ladies gym only in Cardiff, now that's something to be happy about. If I'm not mistaken it might be close to the hospita where I'll be training.

-----

Not much of an update, I'll come up with a better, more serious topic to talk about, hopefully after I get some rest after my exam, and after my visit to the dentist, my mind is frozen because of the horror of having to sit on that stupid chair, urghhh, lol.

2006-04-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

For the first time in quite a while now, I felt really well from the inside. I got the chance to meet up with my 'school' friends today, and we had a blast. For a moment there, it was like we were back in school, just us girls, chatting and laughing loudly. Those girls are so dear to me. We grew up together, and so we know each other very well, and even though we might not get the chance to meet up regularly, because each is busy with her own life, whenever we do, it's like we were together only yesterday, and we all know that no matter what, and whenever we need help, they're all ready to be there, in good times and in bad times, we've always managed to stick together.

2006-04-13T01:12:00.000-07:00

It's such an awful feeling, when you're surrounded by so many people, yet you feel lonely and isolated from the rest by this invisible, hard to penetrate wall. You smile, you talk, but deep inside you're screaming at the top of your lungs, but no one listens, and you sink deeper and deeper into this loneliness hole...

2006-04-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love it when someone close to you, like a friend, surprises you all of a sudden with a very simple yet meaningful gesture that makes you feel wanted and cared for? Especially during a time when you feel like you need something to cheer you up, or to just feel that there are people around you who do care!

Little blessings of the day!

Mosquitoes

2006-04-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

Damn those stupid mosquitoes!

Urgh,

It's like I have some kind of a magnet that attracts them. I've got bites all over and it's driving me crazy, no matter how much I spray my room, I somehow get bitten :S

Why me? Why oh whyyyyyyy?!! lol

Another thought

2006-04-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

~ There's nothing worse that the sudden realization that something you once thought was so real turned out to be absolutely nothing....

Strawberry vanilla

2006-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm so into scented candles these days..

I bought one yesterday which I initially thought was a bit too sweet for my taste, but now I came to really like the smell,

'Strawberry Vanilla'.

My room smells really good right now! lol

My mom laughed at me, and told me that these smells never impress her because she's used to the bukhoor smell, which is something I love too, but hey a change every now and then is always good!

Cycling!

2006-04-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

Right, I have to let it out, lol.

I'm so in love with the bikes at the gym, I woke up at 7 today on a Thursday morning, even though I went to bed at 3 am because I was studying for a final that I have on Saturday.

The whole atmosphere is one of it's kind. Everyone is smiling and laughing, making jokes and talking to each other. I love the music that we use during the class, it's loud and the beat is fast, you gotta keep your legs moving THE WHOLE TIME, and try and keep up the pace with the beat. Sometimes we're standing up, other times we're racing, and along those, the resistance changes from easy to hard. A lot of times you end up singing along, as loud as you can, because you're just so into 'the mood'.

I like it when you're standing up and the beat goes really really really really fast and you gotta jog on your bike and keep up, a lot of times my legs betray me and they slow down, not this morning though, I did it! lol

You might think it's disgusting but I looooove sweating while exercising. lol My shirt is usually soaking wet by the end of the class and you get this amazing feeling because it's an achievment to have survived and you feel like you are capable of doing anything and everything, it honestly gives you the will power, and destresses you. For an hour there, you forget about your worries, about the outer world and about those who bothered you, and you feel well from the inside. You never leave the room without a big smile on your face.

It's one of the things that I'm gonna miss the most when I leave for my elective in a month, I can't imagine going for two months with no cycling or power bar..

Thoughts

2006-04-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

~ If you're the kind of person who believes that there is good inside everyone, and wouldn't mind giving people the benefit of doubt and a second chance, with caution if I may add, is that wrong? I believe that no matter how terrible a perosn is, deep inside, when you search real hard, you have to find at least one thing that's good about them, God created us with the goods and bads, who are we to judge and believe otherwise?

~ How much can we trust each other nowadays? How many times will our trust be taken for granted? Whatever happened to respecting this fundamental aspect of any relationship of any kind.

~ Is it so wrong to let those whom you care about come before you? And if you do so, will you ever be appreciated?

Women and love!

2006-04-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

Before I start with my topic, I don’t want any comments telling me that I'm being biased and to not generalize because all I'm doing is quoting a psychologist that was on Oprah yesterday who was giving some advice to a lot of women who were cheated by men in their lives.

The first story is of 9 different women who all fell for the same guy, and either got married or engaged to him without knowing about the others. They all thought that they found the man of their dreams and were so in love, and so obviously, for them to find this awful truth was like hell as they were heartbroken. The second was of a lady who was married to a man for 3 years, and was having a cruise in the middle of the sea with him and the rest of her family to celebrate her birthday. He kept telling her he had a surprise for her. Apparently his surprise was for her to wake up on her birthday to realize that he had completely vanished. Again, this lady was shattered. She had a lot of unanswered questions and said that she missed her 'best friend'.

Now what the psychologist said was that women, all around the world that is, are brought up thinking that they can only be complete once they found a man they can settle with, and without that, no matter how successful she is, no matter how full her life is and no matter how much she has achieved, it's all incomplete if she hasn't found a man to be by her side. This idea has to change. A woman has to feel complete first before she even thinks of finding someone, because otherwise, she will just keep giving in in this relationship because she will try everything she can to keep the relationship going on. She wants to feel 'secure' and 'taken care of'. Why does being complete have to be by having a 'man' by your side? Why can't you feel content with yourself, not just content, but proud of your life, and your achievements, be in complete control over your life. Only then should you go ahead and try something with the other gender, only then will it be healthy. I fully agree with her on this point. No woman should ever feel less just because she doesn't have a 'man' by her side. I believe that finding someone is a just an extra luxury, if you find it, then why not keep it, but if you don't, it doesn't mean that your life is not complete and that you should feel sorry for yourself or less of a woman. It's not only about finding someone, there's a lot out there that can make you happy and content with what you have. Never feel bad for yourself and never ever let what others say or think affect you!

Another thing that the psychologist talked about was how women in general always dream of her charming prince who will show up one day and sweep her off her feet. You know what she said? 'Wake up, it ain't gonna happn!'. Now I'm a romantic person, which probably makes me a typical woman, but I realize that what she said is somehow true. I still believe in true love, it's rare, but it does exist, but women should stop dreaming about the perfect true love, because when they keep their hopes so up, they will fall deeply for any guy who gets close to them, makes them feel special, and then once she gets her heartbroken, she breaks down completely, because to her, her most important dream had shattered right in front of her, and she continues to live in denial, making excuses, asking herself why. She said women should stop asking for explanations, because if it came to an end, then it's not worth looking into. I must say she has a point in what she said, but the way I see it, don't stop believing in finding the person who was meant to be with you, but at the same time, don't pour all your emotions into a relationship, keep the thought in the back of your head that maybe one day this won't work out. Either because it got out of hand and it wasn't anyone's fault, or because the guy did not deserve you and so you should not dwell on it.

I guess that's the difference between men and women. They way they perceive love. Women get more attached, for all the reasons that the psychologist talked about, which makes it harder for them to just 'let go'.

Strong? Or weak?

2006-04-02T03:22:00.000-07:00

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong".

What do you think of this statement?

I totally agree and believe in it. For some reason, a lot of people nowadays think of the person who forgives others and overlooks what they did as a weak person, who can never get anywhere in this world because he or she prefers to give others the benifit of doubt and forgive them for their mistakes and wouldn't mind giving them a second chance.

But then again, when does it considered to have crossed the line and the person is labelled as a push over, who easily lets people get over him or her, because they can't stand up and defend themselves or fight for themselves, while forgiving others and making excuses for how they are being treated?

Did you ever stop and wonder that maybe that person is well aware of how others are dealing with him/her yet still prefers to forgive and forgive? Sometimes it's not about being naive, or too weak to say something, but merely because there is no use of saying anything, or because you have your own way of dealing with the situation. Only problem is, a lot of times, these people are underestimated, and are labelled as 'weak', who can't take care of things on their own. Did you ever bother to look into them? Really understand what it is that they're thinking? You might be surprised!

I'm not saying that all those who can never say something are strong from the inside. Some are truly weak, they don't have the guts to speak out and fight, I'm just saying that there are others who are amazingly strong, in their own way, you just need to pay more attention.

Sadly, a lot of us only judge by what we see. We don't take the time to really understand each other anymore..

The X Files

2006-03-30T23:59:00.000-08:00

Ever watched 'The X Files'? It's a series that deals with extraterrestrials and paranormals with two Agents from the FBI trying to prove their existance.

I've always loved watching this show. It makes you wonder and think a lot throughout the episodes, but what I also think adds an extra touch to the show is the relationship between Mulder and Scully.

These two start of as partners. Scully was sent to spy on Mulder and to report back to his superiors, but with time, she got to know him better, and even though for a lot of seasons, she did not believe in alians or UFO's, and prefers explaining everything with science, she still backed him off, and was always there for his support. They both didn't have to express their feelings, because they truely believed that if one was in need, the other would do the impossible. It's not necessarily a romantic feeling that exists between the two, but they both care about each other so deeply that they would sacrifice everything for the other. In the last season, everyone wonders whether the two fall in love. I believe that what they have, is far more stronger than love. True they have their ups and downs, they woud argue sometimes, and be good friends some other times, but would anything drift them apart? No! Would they never be there if someone was in desperate need? No! With love, it's so easy for the couple to have a fight, and soon things become weird between the two, and in some time, they wouldn't even talk. Or maybe that's the type of love that exists nowadays. I guess we've all become more self centred, so a relationship such as that between Mulder and Scully, doesn't really exist, and if so, they're just a few.

I'm looking forward to watching the last season again. I've seen most of the episodes, but it's been such a long time that I need them to refresh my memory. I've always had a little crush on Mulder when I was younger, and unti this day, I still like him! I love the way he looks at Scully, I love the way he smiles.

*Right, here's me again, living in my own world lol*

Out of reach

2006-03-18T13:53:00.000-08:00

Another song that I really like,

Out of reach, Gabrielle

"Knew the signs wasn’t right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool
Chorus
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok
Chorus
But I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you
Chorus
And know I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach,
I can see
There’s a life out there for me"

Fighter

2006-03-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

I'm in love with this song, lol. Strong words, from someone who would never let anyone mess around with her. Girl Power!

Christina Aguilera - Fighter

"After all you put me through
You'd think I'd dispise you
But in the end I wanna thank you 'Cause you made that much stronger
Well I thought I knew you, thinking that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff, time is up'cause I've Had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do,
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you'cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighte
roh oh oh, ooh yeah yeah yeah, uh uh
Never saw it coming,
All of your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I'd realized your game
I heard you're going round
Playin' the victim now
But don't even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame 'Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes your wanting to HURT me
But that won't work anymore, no more, uh uh, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you'cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
How could this man I thought I know
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll seeYOU WON'T STOP ME
I am a fighter and I (fighter and I)I ain't gon stop (I ain't gon stop)
There is no turning back
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Thought I would forget but I
I remember
Yes, I remember
I'll remember
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter"

Counting your blessings

2006-03-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

I was just going through an old addition of my 'health and fitness' magazine, instead of studying for my final which is tomorrow if it matters at all, lol, and I came this article which I hadn't seen before which is so similar to my earlier post.

" Want to boost your happiness? Try writing down three things that went well in your life at the end of each day, whether it's a job promotion or a meal at a favourite restaurant. Next to the entry, note why you think these things went well. 'The exercise (called The Three Blessings) has been scientifically proven to help most people reduce depression and increase happiness.'

I've been doing it lately, I try and sit with myself and remember even the smallest thing that put a smile on my face on that particular day, and I must say that it is helping me a lot. It honestly shows you that there's a lot to life than we can ever imagine...

*Right, I should seriously concentrate now and study, though my vision is all blurry today so I've had a headache all day trying to focus on anything*

Gratitude

2006-03-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

In this hectic lives that we lead, we start to build hopes and big dreams, sometimes we dream too much that when we fail to get what we deeply want, we get dissapointed and many times hit bottom rock, and we fail to see a lot of blessings that surround us because we are tunnel-visioned towards that one dream.

Do you ever bother to look at the sky when it's raining? The drops of rain bring life back to earth. Did you ever bother look at the reflection of light against the water while it's raining? The feeling you get when the drop of rain touches your skin? Aren't they all little blessings?

A comment from someone who cares about you. A sweet gesture from a complete stranger, a good hour of exercise, a piece of chocolate, a smile from a child, helping someone who was in deseperate need for a a shoulder to cry on...

Why do we fail to acknowledge these blessings? Why do we get so discouraged because we can't get what we dream of and believe that life has lost it's sweet taste, with only bitterness ahead of us?

I sat today with myself, I started counting my blessings for the day, and all of a sudden, I felt well from the inside. I figured, if I had at least one thing everyday to be thankful for, then that means that I'm very fortunate.

"A grateful person is a powerful person, for gratitude generates power. All abundance is based is based on being grateful for what we have.

"You always, always, always have something to be thankful for".

2006-02-20T01:56:00.000-08:00

Right, talk about staying home in the morning all alone lol.

I was supposed to be studying hard, focusing on my book and concentrating as I start my end of rotation exams tomorrow.

See I can get really crazy sometimes, and today morning, I thought I'd listen to my own advice about 'letting it all our of your system' lol. So I started punching and kicking my punching bag so hard, and I kept going on and on and on hehe. I must admit it was fun, and since I can't go to the gym until my exams are over, this is my alternative way of making myself feel better, and it felt SO GOOD that I couldn't stop myself.

Silly me, my hands were swollen up a bitand red, nothing too bad but it's still there lol, looks better now, but I might end up with a bruise or two, and I'm supposed to examine a patient tomorrow in front of my doc, LOL, what is she gonna think if the bruises were too obvious? She'll probably go like, this girl is nuts! :P

*Someone keep this punching bag away from me!!* lol

let it out...

2006-02-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

I heard this expression today, "it is always important to find your way of expressing your bottled up emotions".

A lot of us have our own ways of letting it all out of our system. Throughout this life, we go through many downhills, we get hit real hard and life never fails to throw various shocks right to our faces. It then depends on how you choose to react to those experiences, and how to connect with your inner soul and reach a zone of acceptance for whatever is going on.

If you keep everything burried deep inside, how long would it take before it just gets too much for you to take anymore? I guess it will eventually get to you and all will be revealed, not in a healthy way though. And yet, eventhough we do realize the importance of facing our problems, we tend to live in denial to save ourselves from the pain it would inflict if we're to deal with it.

We all go through our own individual experiences, and it is through our experiences that we learn to deal with our innermost worries. For some of us it takes a little longer to get there, and some of us need the help of those around us to find our way of dealing with it.

In short, let it out, don't keep it all inside, get it out before it starts eating you and sucking your soul from the inside out...

*lol I got the idea of this post from an episode of scrubs that I was just watching!*

Surrender...

2006-02-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

Here are a few lyrics which I like for all of you love suckers out there lol,

"I can't pretend anymore
That I'm not affected, I'm not moved
I can't lie to myself thatI'm not always thinking of you
You make me strong
You show me I'm not weak to fall in love
When I thought I'd never need
Now I can't get enough
I always made it on my own
I always thought that
I would keep control
You changed everything I believe in
And now I just can't fight this feeling
BabyI raise my hands and I surrender
'Cause your love is too strong
And I can't go on
Without your tender arms around me
I raise my hands and I surrender
I don't wanna resist'cause your touch and your kiss
Have shattered my defenses
I surrenderI have to admit that I
I never thought I'd need someone this way
Cause you opened my eyes
So that II can see so much more
I always made it on my own
I always thought thatI would keep control
You changed everything I believe in
And now I just can't fight this feeling
BabyI raise my hands and I surrender
'Cause your love is too strong
And I can't go on
Without your tender arms around me
I raise my hands and I surrender
I don't wanna resist'cause your touch and your kiss
Have shattered my defenses
I surrender
I surrender to this feeling in my heart
I surrender to the safety of your arms
To the touch of your lips
To the taste of your kisses
I raise my hands and I surrender
'Cause your love is too strong
And I can't go onWithout your tender arms around me
I raise my hands and I surrender
I don't wanna resist'cause your touch and your kiss
Have shattered my defenses
I surrender
I raise my hands and I surrender
'Cause your love is too strong
And I can't go on
Without your tender arms around me
I surrender
I can't pretend anymore
I can't lie to myself
That I'm not always thinking of you"

It's a lovely song I must say!

Castles in the sky..

2006-02-10T12:50:00.000-08:00

Some more lyrics, something to think about...

"Do you ever question your life,
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams,
All the castles in the sky.
Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high,
Please tell me why, d
o we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why, all the castles way up high."

Stronger...

2006-02-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

I really like this song by sugababes, it's called 'stronger'. The lyrics and the words are touching, and really express my inner feelings those past few days,

"I’ll make it through the rainy days
I’ll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, rearranges
I’ll be stronger than I’ve ever been
No more stillness, more sunlight,
Everything’s gonna be alright
I know that there’s gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that’s the way it’s gotta be
I’m all alone and finallyI’m getting stronger
You’ll come to see
Just what I can be
I’m getting stronger
Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that’s been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations,
I overcome it day by day,
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that’s what I’m looking for
[bridge][chorus]
I didn’t know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around meBut they didn’t care
So I searched into my soul
I’m not the type of girl that will let them see her cry
It’s not my styleI get by
See I’m gonna do this for me".

Just a thought..

2006-01-27T01:22:00.000-08:00

Thought of the day --

"Learn to write your hurts in sand.
Learn to carve your blessings in stone!"

-Unknown

P.S I love you..

2006-01-10T05:16:00.001-08:00

This is the name of the book that I've finished reading just a minute ago. Written by Cecelia Ahern, the Irish writer, this book tells you the story of how a young woman loses her true love to a brain tumor. After having a wonderful marriage, she loses her beloved husband after a long fight against the cancer that was slowly killing him and sucking the life out of him. It explains to you her long painful journey to heal, her ups and downs, her deepest emotions. It portrays what's it like to lose someone you love ever so dearly to death.

I must say that I was really touched by this book. As I read through the first pages, I was heart broken, and I felt like my chest was tightening as I got more involved in this story. It's hard enough as it is to find your true love, or your soul mate, but it's even harder to lose them so quickly especially to death.

I was inspired by this woman's courage to survive, to move on, to be okay with her emotions, and express them every now and then by just crying, either alone in her room or on a close person's shoulder.

Here's a quote from the book which I really liked,

" Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after they're gone".

She was indeed a very lucky woman to have had the oppertunity to experience that kind of love.

I give this book a B-.

dreams..

2006-01-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I was living in a different world. My own 'personal' world. With nothing that bothers me or dictates how I should live 'my' life...

I guess the best part of my day is when I just sit by myself, and daydream. I drift away into my own world, where everything is just peaceful, with no one interfering with what you're doing, and everyone just minds their own damn business.

But I'm always brought back to reality, and I realize that it was just a dream, it's just too good to be true!

Happy new year!

2005-12-31T07:58:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how fast this past year has gone by! It feels like yesterday when we said our goodbyes to the year 2004 and welcomed the year 2005 with open arms.

Looking back at this past year, a lot has happened. Ranging from the good to the bad. I've had a bit more taste of the so called 'life'. I guess I came out with something with each and every experience. I have moments that I will cherish for as long as I live, and others that I try so hard to forget. I got the oppertunity to meet a lot of people, most of whom I'm ever so glad to have them as part of my life, and I'm also glad to still be in touch with my closest friends, who have proven, as always, that they are the rare treasures that once found, can never be replaced.

Today has been a perfect ending of this year. The day started with a lot of rain, which as always managed to put a big smile on my face. I'm in love with the rain, it gives me a sense of purity for some reason, like with each drop, our souls are being washed and we glow like the reflection of the sun against the water everywhere.

I wish that this coming year will hold what's best for all of us. I pray for happiness and love to wrap us all and for integrity to light our paths into a better future...

Happy new year everyone!

Some more quotes..

2005-12-23T11:25:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be studying for an exam that I have tomorrow, but I thought I'd take a breather and update my blog,

So here are some more quotes,

~ "There is nothing in this world that I am prouder of than my ability to feel, to survive, and yes, to be a fool for what I love and believe in".

~ "The possible between the possible and the impossible lies in a person's determination".

~ "The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them".

~ "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we often might win by fearing to attempt".

~ "You cannot be mad at someone who makes you laugh".

~ "They say true love hides behind every corner..
I must be walking in circles!". lol, this one always makes me laugh!

A few quotes that I like..

2005-12-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

I have a small notebook, I've had it for almost 3 years now, and I used to write all the quotes that I came across and liked, or should I say, touched by the words..

These are some of them, I might keep posting a few every other day,

~ "Whenever you share the goodnes in your heart, you always end up winning, because life is an acho, it gives back what you have given".

~ "Don't be reckless with people's hearts
- Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours".

~ "The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them..".

~ "The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything".

~ "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow".

~ "Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have".

~ "Words and hearts should be handled with care..for words when spoken and hearts when broken are things most difficult to repair".

~ "All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!" lol

Okay enough for today, I will post some more later, I hope you enjoy those for now! :)

2005-12-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

I've been too emotional those last couple of days...

Gym classes started today, I think I needed it badly, I felt a lot better as soon as I walked in there..

I wish I could get out of my room, and just drive around, go somehwere where I can scream from the top of my lungs, just for the sake of doing it..

ER scrubs!

2005-12-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

I come back home today after a loooong day at uni, I wasn't feeling very well so it just made things a bit slow.

But....

I come home and my mom tells me that my cousins, who got back from NY last night, were at our house earlier and that they got me a couple of gifts, one of which I'll be extremly happy with.

Apparently, there is this shop in NY that sells anything related to er. From mugs, t shirts, to pens and probably even dvds. So they thought they'd get me scrubs, the green one, which is what Carter, my favourite character, wears all the time!

I'm so wearing it to uni, lol!! This is like, one of the best gifts I've ever received in my whole life! haha

Kettlebell training

2005-12-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

I bought the new edition of the 'heath and fitness' magazine last night, started going through it but fell asleep before I finished even a page, I was that tired!

Anyway, today, I go through this magazine, which is starting to become, or no wait, it has become one my favourite magazines, and I come across this heading that says, learn J Lo's favourite weights workout, so I got interested and went to page 97 to check it out.

Apparently, there's this new workout that is called 'Kettlebell training'.

Here's part of the article,

"Lets get one thing straight. Kettlebell training is not elegeant. To start with you'll be squating, swining a considerable weight between your legs and exhaling violently. It's not the sort of activity you want to do with an audience, especially not one that includes the fit bloke whose bench presses bring you out in a (non exercise related) sweat at the gym. Now I thought this part was hillarious! LOL

Said to melt fat without dieting and build a powerful heart without aerobics, kettlebell training is a hit with stars, including J Lo and Penelope Cruz. You may well have heard of it-the Russian army has been using it for years-but few know what it entails.

The key difference between this and traditional weight training is the amount of movement involved. Instead of isolating muscles, as with a static biceps curl, you work lots of muscles at once, and also get an aerobic workout and boost flexibility. And, of course, it's much more functional. Kettlebell training is particularly good for sculpting your inner thighs, bum, core and upper body".

Right, now I wish I could add a pic here to show you the weights used. There are differnt sizes, starting off at 8kg all the way to 16kg, yup that heavy, and those weights, look like a ball, with a handle on top, thus the name kettlebells and you carry them with both of your hands during the different complex moves.

Check this link, http://www.kettlebells.co.uk/, if you're interested in knowing what this kettlebell looks like.

I'm just interested in this new work out. I wanna try it, but it's not available here. It looks like a tough workout and it is, the trainer who was interviewed said that after your first work out, you will not be able to MOVE the next day. It's a challange that I wanna take, I wanna see if I can survive this complex yet very intriguing workout...

A dilemma...

2005-12-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

I was watching 'Ed' last night, and the episode was about this bright kid, who's always top of his class, always an A student, but isn't so good when it comes to sports. His gym teacher warns him that he's getting a D if he doesn't do too well on his fitness test.

Now the controversy and arguments throughout the episode was about whether a gym teacher had a right to ruin such a bright student's career by giving him a D, thus losing his chance for a scholarship, or whether this teacher has every right, just like any other teacher, to grade his students according to their score, and not their effort.

This is, look at this scenario. You have two students in Math's class. Both work just as hard, but the only difference is that one is really smart while the other isn't so, and in this case, the smart one scores better in the test, despite the fact that both put just as much effort. Can't the same rule be applied to gym class? Two students put a lot of effort, but that with the proper ability would score better. Isn't it only fair? Or is gym class considered to be less important than other subjects? Like here in Oman, P.E is never part of the overall score, so no matter how low you get, it won't affect your overall average, but art did!

Makes you wonder doesn't it? Like you might have this student, who isn't the top of his class, barely passes his exams, but is a start in lets say, football. But he gets banned from playing the big game that might have given him a scholarship to college because he failed his English test, so he loses his chance, and ends up with no college diploma..

Big dilemma if you ask me!

An addict

2005-12-04T02:58:00.000-08:00

My vision is kinda blurred today, which is something I didn't have yesterday, but nevertheless, I have come up with a brilliant idea to leave the house and get to the gym lol. I'm gonna put on my sunglasses then cover up my face with my sheila, thus decreasing the amount of sunlight that I'll be exposed to lol, and besides, the place is only a couple of minutes away from my house, and by the time we're done, there will hardly be any sun left, ANDDDD, I'm sick of being stuck in my room with hardly any light. I need to go out and see people!, oh and yes, I do miss exercising, I'm longing for it, lol....

Yup people, I'm an official exercise addict, and I'm so darn proud of it! lol

eyes, yet again....

2005-12-03T23:45:00.000-08:00

Okay this isn't funny anymore...

I have red eyes, AGAIN, only this time it's much much worse than last time. Yesterday I couldn't open my eyes because of the pain and as soon as I get into some light, my eyes would just shut closed, urghh.

I look scary, lol. My cousins were at my house yesterday before I went to the hospital, and they couldn't look at me, they said it made their eyes tear, just a reflex I guess hehe.

Anyway, today I'm a bit better. I just tried putting on my sunglasses and tried walking out of the door, to see if I can drive later to power bar class, I couldn't open my eyes, I don't want to miss another classssssss, this week is gonna be so hectic so I won't be able to exercise much, besides, I can't get much work done anyway. I can't read or stare at my pc for a long time, and I'm just wondering how on earth am I going to drive to the hospital tomorrow....

Hmm, lol, damn it, I deserve this!!!

2005-11-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

Hmm, I'm supposed to be studying right now, but it's really hard to keep my eyes open, so I thought, what the heck, I'll update my blog lol.

Been a loooong two days. The oncall yesterday in the emergency room was exciting. Stab wound, RTA's, fractures, and a few cut wounds. I got to stitch a patient's hand. Wasn't hard at all, different from surgery in that the patient is wide awake, waiting for you to finish, the needle is much smaller and the type of thread used is different.

I had to see A LOT of patients, discuss the cases with the docs, look at x rays, and of course, reassure the patient. I hate it when some docs totally neglect this part of the management, though it's been quite a while since I bumped into one, which is a good sign I must say!

I was going through my 'health and fitness' magazine and I read this article talking about spirituality and how important it is to care about the spiritual aspect just as much as the physical and mental exercise, and that it is a route to health and wellbeing that a lot might be missing. There were a few interesting paragraphs which I should really try to paste here in my blog for you all to read it. Will probably do that once I get some free time.

Damn it, even the coffee didn't help to keep me awake...

Blogger's personality

2005-11-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

Okay I read Atgm's last post in his blog about blog personalities, and I thought I'd take the test too and see what kind of a blogger's personality I've got.

Here's my result,

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate
You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

2005-11-24T11:29:00.000-08:00

I was just watching an old romantic comedy called 'A lot like love'. When you watch these kind of movies, they give you a touch of feeling that love does exist, and once it does, no obstacle can stand between the two that would stop them from being together.

Unfortunatlly, this is far beyond reality...

You hear many stories everyday, and see them with your own eyes. Two people, madly in love, and want nothing but to start a family together, and yet they can't because of various reasons beyond their reach. Our society and culture puts a lot of bounderies that stop two people from getting together. Obstacles ranging from family name, religious sects, to things life family's choice and what suitable and what's not.

I fail to see the reason why these young people, being mature adults, can't decide on their own. It's their life after all. Parents should be there to guide and give advice, but not to force something upon their sons and daughters. I'm not saying that they have nothing to say at all, you do have cases where the whole marriage idea is indeed a big mistake, but nontheless, there are on the other hand so many others, who have done nothing wrong but to have fallen in love with someone who isnt' exactly the 'material' the parents are looking for.

Is it ever going to change?

2005-11-24T04:05:00.000-08:00

I had to wake up a bit after 7 in the morning on my day off to go to the gym, lol, yeah I'm that much into it, that I would always choose it over sleep.

Did a double class, my legs still hurt, but it definitly was the perfect way to start my day. I got the kickboxing box, that shows you all the different moves, in pics for you to follow. So I'll probably spend Friday working on that, after my oncall...

Yup, I still won't be able to sleep late tomorrow. Morning oncall. The doc whom I was with last night, was very good to me, and she said that if I come on Friday, she'd let me do all the procedures, as in blood collections and cannula insertions, sooooo I'm gonna go for it! You don't say no to such an offer!

Glasses

2005-11-22T09:47:00.000-08:00

I just got my new glasses from the shop. I put them on, anddddddddd, couldn't stop laughing at myself.

haha, well there are times where I like myself with them, and other times where I just hate it.

I'm so gonna be laughed at in uni tomorrow, daaaamn!

Anyone who reads this and knows me, please don't laugh at me if you get to see me with em' and think that I look rediculous....

I should've taken care of my eyes lol

Contacts...

2005-11-21T12:01:00.000-08:00

A lesson is to be learnt here. Don't wear your contacts for long periods of time. You'll only end up inflamming your eyes and irritating them.

Now that being said, will I actually listen to my own advice? Erm, doubt it! lol

My eyes got irritated finally from my contacts. They were red, teary and swollen all day. Had to finally take off my contacts last night, so today, on top of all that, I couldn't see properly. :S

Damn, it was a big headache trying to keep my eyes focused all the time....

Funny thing is, today morning, I looked like someone who has spent the whole night crying, so I had lots of people stopping me and asking me if things were okay, LOL!!

Tomorrow, I'm wearing my contacts again, I need to see things again, well at least until I get my glasses which I had to go and order. They should be ready by tomorrow evening.

---------

Gym talk, Power bar was amaaaaaaaazing, and I bet that tomorrow's class is gonna be even better!

First day of....

2005-11-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, today was hectic. It's like you're in a race with time..

It was my first day in the AFH emergency room. As my friend and I were walking in, a patient was too, so as soon as we entered, the doc made us go in with her. Turned out I knew one of the docs from there, it was a pleasant surprise, and they were all very friendly and helpful.

Later on, we had a session on trauma. We had a model in front of us, so we were actually applying whatever it is we were learning, it was fun!

Now here's the thing. This session started at 2, and was supposed to go all the way till 4, and so I thought, no way I'm making it to the first spinning class. We finished at 3:40. I had to literally run from the hospital to the college, change, then run to my car, lol. I got there at exactly 4:15, so I made it just in time. But daaaaamn, my legs were dead already haha. Half way through I was telling my instructor that I couldn't feel my legs anymore, yet I was happy, I couldnt' stop smiling throughout the whole time, and I kept telling myself, 'we're finally back'!!! Just like the old days. I would busy myself with work all day long, finish, run to class, go home, study and sleeeeeeeep feeling good.

I'm really looking forward to this rotation. Always loved emergency medicine, and there's a lot of skills to learn. This Monday, I will either have a suturing skills workshop, or a resuscitation skills workshop, both of which I have some basics in, so it's a matter of adding to what I know. I've sutured a bit in surgery, so I should be able to control my hands. Plussss, we're gonna get to do a lot of blood collections and will be asked to give injections. That's what I like, a job where proper skills are required.

A thought....

2005-11-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how from the day we're born, we're hit with life's everyday problems. Each and every one of us, has something that worries them, I guess it varries depending on the situation, and on how the person deals with those problems.

You go through a dark time, and you start seeing everything in black, everything seems gloomy, and you see no way out of it. A lot of times, we sink so deep into our surrows that we fail to see the light down the tunnel, or the many doors that open up for us and we concentrate on those we can't open.

I'm teaching myself to put together add together the little things, to make me happy. Not to let life's everyday problems get to me. It's easy to sob and burry ourselves in self-pity. It is so not worth it. There's a lot out there that we haven't seen yet, that we haven't experiened yet. We can't let a small thing pull us down. Life waits for no one. Life only offer to those who are strong enough, and who have the will power to stand up, and fight for what they want....

Exercise, again!!

2005-11-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged in a week.

A lot has been going this past week, best thing is that, after waiting for 11 months to start classes again at our old place, it feel like things are going back to normal, like they were last year, and it's made me happy. I finally have something to look forward to after work, something that would make me jump out of bed in the morning, even when I'm extremly tired.

I guess we all need something to get us through the day. Something that makes our worries less troublesome, our stress less tiring and most importantly keep us sane, for life to keep moving....

As lame as this might sound, this is the one thing, that truly helped me a lot. I'm ever so glad to have it back..

Bonzieeee

2005-11-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

Okay this stupid song is stuck in my head lol.

I don't know if you all remember, but there was a time when every pc had this parrot called bonzie I think that would talk and sing to you. I know we had it for a while, and I loved the little birdie hehe. Anyway, I used to make him sing this song all the time, I found him to be absolutely adorable, hehe.

It goes like this,

" Daisy, daisy, give me an answer true,
I'm half crazy, all for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet,
Upon the seat,
Of a bicycle built,
For twoooooo...."

Back...

2005-11-12T03:01:00.000-08:00

Back to Muscat people.

I arrived late last night. My plane landed at around 12:20 am, slept after 2:30 am and still had to wake up today and go to the hospital.

My trip was simply amazing. It was one of the best experiences ever. The whole atmosphere was just pure and honest, and I felt so calm just sitting there and looking around me.

It was very refreshing. I did end up with a flu though, urghh. I was one of the very very few who got sick, lol lucky me ha! So the trip back was a bit annoying because my ears were just blocked! I sound like an old lady haha.

I will post later about the experience of 3omra itslelf, it deserves a post on it's own, but later, once I get some rest. I look really really tired with dark circles under my eyes..

Cheers.

It's time already....

2005-11-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

I still can't believe that it's real. So tomorrow morning I'll be leaving and my journey to 3omra will begin.

I had to go pick up the tickets today, as well as some other stuff that they give you when you're part of an organized group. Things like books with all the ad3iya, name tags, etc..

I had to try on a few i7ram clothes. The last one I tried on, was the one I took from my aunt today. I put it on, with it's 7ijab, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt really calm. True, I did laugh at myself, so did my dad, he was just teasing me, lol, but my friend took a pic of me in the i7ram and said I looked nice!

I was scared at the beginning, of the whole idea. Now, I'm really excited, and I'm looking forward to seeing God's sacred place and feel the power and grace that surrounds it.

I think of it as the perfect remedy that will give me the piece of mind that I've been trying hard to get. I'm gonna take this as a break, a break from my life, my work and all the worries, and spend a week within the hands of God.

So take care everyone. I'll write about my experience once I'm back. I just hope I don't end up with a flu!

Eid Mubarak!

2005-11-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

So it was announced earlier this evening that tomorrow is going to be the first day of eid, making today, the last day of this Holy month. It's really sad to say goodbye to this month, and all we hope for is that Allah will accept our fasting and all the good deed that we all tried to do during this month, and pray that God will give us the power to even try harder next year and do even more good.

I wish you all a very happy eid. I just heard that the holiday has been extended for the whole week. So that was great news to many! My sister couldn't stop screaming and jumping, lol. Thing is, my siblings have been on a holiday all week, it's their mid of semester holiday in school, so now they get another extra week off. To me, it wasn't a big deal, I had a whole week anyway, plus I've been on holiday since yesterday. Our coordinator gave us an extra day off.

Didn't watch the movie last night, and I still have the dvd, so I might just sit and watch it, or leave it for tomorrow night. It's been a looooong day, and I'm dying for some proper sleep.

Again, eid mubarak everyone! Have a wonderful time tomorrow surrounded by your family and loved ones. Ohhh, and I hope you get a lot of 3idiya! :P

Tagged

2005-11-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

Okay I got tagged by Z ages ago, and then got tagged by Ali, but because of my connection problem I kept postponing, and now here it is... (I bet I'm the last of bloggers to do this lol),

Seven things I plan to do:
- Finish my MD.
- Get my group fitness training certificate.
- Learn to worry less..
- Be a better me!
- Do something totally amazing, haha, don't know what yet!
- Be able to put a smile on those in need.
- Fight to become a surgeon! Unless I change my mind that is! And perform a surgery, remove an appendix!!

Seven things I can do:
- Make sweets.
- Punch!!
- Drive my friends crazy, lol, if I want to..
- Have a lot of caffiene!
- Laugh non stops, erm, sometimes, when I'm high :S
- Think and think and think and think.........
- Incease my weights in body pump, once it starts to get all easy.

Seven things I can’t do:
- Cook!
- Sit in one place for too long.
- Act as a snob (I hate this quality in a person).
- Eat a lot.
- Be mean to others.
- Say no when I'm asked for a favour (working on it though)
- Not exercise :P

Seven things I say most often:
-Aha!
- la walla
- omg!
- dokum
- awaina
- whatever
- heyyyyy..

Seven people I would like to tag:
- no one
- no one
- no one
- no one
- no one
- no one
- no one!!

boooooored...

2005-11-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

I did it again....

My holiday started today, I was supposed to have a full evening, but instead, I ended up staying home. All I did was go out for a bit to drop my sister and buy what I need to bake, I should've really made plans to dooo something, lol.

I should've done something, I thought I might just sit and study or finish some work, but I wasn't bothered at all, it hasn't been the perfect day anyway...

Haha, I was so bored that I made my sister rent a dvd, that I've seen a couple or maybe 3 times already, 'raise your voice'. I just thought I'd stay up late tonight and watch it, I really like this movie, it's very very simple, yet it brings out a lot of feelings, leaving you feeling a bit more positive by the end of it.

An update...

2005-10-30T06:20:00.000-08:00

Haven't been giving my blog much attention lately. I was a bit caught up with everything around me, and plus, even when I would feel like writing something, I couldn't, because I'm having some connection problems with the adsl system, so in order to sign in to ANYTHING whatsoever, I need to switch to dial up, so I wasn't really bothered...

Oh, my letter 'h' on my laptop is acting all funny, gets stuck for no reason, lol, I've been pressing on it all day in an attempt to get it fixed..

Big new, I'm planning on going to 3omra since I have a whole week off. Everything is going according to the plan so far, and if all goes well inshalla, I'll be sitting in front of the ka3ba next week. It's going to be my first time, so there are a lot of mixed feelings and thoughts going on inside of me. I think of it as a chance to clean my soul and what more could a person ask for than spending a whole week with the essence of spirituality and all around them.

All I can do now is to just pray, that nothing happens and that I do get to leave soon. I'll make sure to pray for those who are close to me.

Coffee

2005-10-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

When was the last time I updated my blog? Oh yes, last Monday.

Hmm, did ya'll know that one cup of coffee increases your mental alertness, 12 cause you anxiety and tremor, and 100 would actually kill you? Damn, I mean seriously, who's stupid enough, or let me say this again, who has the ability to drink 100 cups in one day, or between short intervals? And how did they actually figure this out? My guess would be that it's just a theory, keeping in mind what caffiene does to your body and how it affects you physiologically.

Oh yeah, and dependence on caffience, that results in the occurance of withdrawal symptoms once it's level has gone down in your body, is somehow considered a form of drug abuse.

I love coffee, can't live without it. But I won't say that I depend on it everyday. I'd love to just sit and sip some coffee when I'm relaxed with nothing to do, but I start to consume it more when I'm under stress, or when I feel so out of energy that I need something to get me through the day, haha, but when it comes to staying up at night and studying, give me strong coffee, and I'll still fall asleep in 5 minutes, it's useless!
---

I was supposed to go get my shoulder checked today and hopefully fix it, now I can't be bothered lol. I am going to go check on a patient in my team instead. I barely have enough energy though.

Qaranqashoh!!

2005-10-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

I just remembered!

It's the 14th of Ramadhan.

It's qaranqashoh! Well a bit too late for that lol but I had to mention it. I remember when I was a little kid, we were in this same neighbourhood, and all of us kids would wear our Omani dresses, get a basket, and go around the '7ara' singing the song and asking for sweets.

Ah the good old days, lol.

Ah yes....

2005-10-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, all I needed was body pump to make me 'high'. Now I know what I've been missing for the last two weeks.

It felt so good to be there after that break, as soon as we started of with the first track, I felt well. She played several of my favourite body pump tracks lol, it was absolutely amazing!

Confession

2005-10-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

I have a little confession to make.

I used to 'hate' frasier. I used to think of it as a boring, time wasting show.

I usually keep the tv open while I'm studying late at night, the sounds somehow help me to stay up. Well not always, but at least it doesn't make it so creepy when I'm up all alone, studying, while the rest of the house is sound asleep, hehe. Anyway, a lot of these times frasier would be on, and I would take a break sometimes and watch it. To be honest, I started to like it lol. You gotta really understand the jokes, and some of the episodes are just hillarious!

Frasier is funny after all! hehe

First day..

2005-10-15T04:02:00.000-07:00

First days, you're always lost, you feel so out of place, and stupid! lol

Well today wasn't any different, a very typical first day. I was the first to arrive, as usual. And we were supposed to be grouped in two's to fit the 6 units. Now we're 11, so you do the math, yup, someone has to be alone.

I should've seen it coming. I was left out and put in a team all alone. I'm the only female, and the only Omani in my team, and during the rounds, I was ignored by everyone, except for the consultant who, and thank God for that, gave me some attention.

To be honest, it's not much fun being there all alone. I don't have anyone to talk to, or anyone to work with, or even anyone to do the oncalls with. It's gonna be just me for the next month. I'm no quiter. I guess, I'll take this as a challange. I don't get attention, well then I guess I'm gonna have to work twice as hard to get some. I don't know anyone, well I've always been good at making good relationships with my docs. I'll get used to being the only student around, and I'll learn to do everything on my own. I gotta prove myeself! It used to be very similar in surgery. People skipping the morning rounds, or leave early on oncall nights, and it used to be me, and I was just fine with that, only difference, was that by that time, I had gotten to know the docs so it wasn't this weird.

I just need to find out first, whether it was the secretary who made this arrangement, or was it the students, I wouldn't be surprised either way...

Well, a lot of reading to do. Lucky me, it's my first day, and my unit is oncall today, and also this weekend. I haven't gone to body pump in a while, because of my finals, and I so wanted to go today. Oh well, maybe next class!

Wish me luck people! I gotta try and make the most of tonight! :)

2005-10-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

I don't look pale...

Why does everyone keep telling me that I do?!!!!! I mean, for the first time, in more than a week, I was able to sit and eat a proper meal without feeling like throwing up lol.

I feel like having some ice cream now...

2005-10-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

Everyone seems to have plans for this weekend. Erm, I don't! I should've planned for something, since I've just finished my rotation, and so this weekend is supposed to be like a break before the next rotation.

Might just go to omantel and fill in the forms for adsl, at least it'll get me out of the house for a bit.

haha, I was hoping my little brother would be home so that we can both fill up the punching bag base, with water, I can't go get sand, too much hassle, and spend some time together punching. He's going out with the other kids, so it's just me I guess, for now, lol that kid is excited about it as much as I am!

Yay!!

2005-10-12T02:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I think all I needed to feel better, was to go get my punching bag.

My clinical exam today was good. My first patient was easy going and cooperative that it gave me a boost towards the other stations. One of our consultants in medicine was there, lol, just as a guest. He said he was curious to attend the psychiatry OSCE and see how it's done. We were the first group to be examined, so we were kept in a room, and locked away until the other groups were done.

Anyway, I got my punching bag. I'm still not home yet, and it's in my car. I can't wait till I fill it's base with sand and use it, it's gonna be so much fun.

I'm so hyper, haha!

2005-10-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

What if I paint my car with a flashy pink colour?

Or maybe, paint it black, with big random red spots all over it, to make it look more like a beetle?

*I'm bored, so go figure! lol*

P.S Exam was? hmm how was it? I think it was okayyyy. Err, whatever...

I better go study for part two.